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Get More out of Active Constructive Responding

Dr. Acacia Parks-Sheiner — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 18:25:40 +0000

Dr. Acacia Parks is an instructor in positive psychology, a researcher and a member of the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. Dr. Parks has taught a variety of classes on how to use positive psychology interventions, and she often gets questions from students and clients about what will work best for them.

Question: I read about the “Active and Constructive Responding” exercise and I am pretty sure I already respond this way when people come to me with good news. Can this exercise still be useful for me?

Answer: Most people don’t think of themselves as a spoilsport who responds negatively (or not at all) when people come to them with good news. However, we have all had the experience of going to someone with good news and not getting the response we want. It happens. I promise that at one point or another, you have done this. There’s always room for improvement! If you consider yourself a practiced Active-Constructive Responder, here are some tips for taking this exercise to the next level:

1. Be more attentive – that is, be on constant lookout for opportunities to respond Actively and Constructively. Try to spot good news when it is less than obvious – people don’t always come to you bursting with obvious excitement when they have good news to report.

2. See if you can completely eliminate Passive-Constructive responses from your repertoire. Any time you find yourself saying “cool” or “that’s nice” see if you can muster something more enthusiastic. Any good news that’s worth acknowledging is worth acknowledging with gusto!

3. Challenge yourself to turn good news into great news. Instead of just sharing in the other person’s enthusiasm, see if you can increase it by finding even more aspects of the situation to be excited about.

happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.

Congratulations to Steve for Winning The Happiness Facts Contest

happier.com — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 18:17:05 +0000

We asked people to submit their favorite happiness facts and Steve was the winner of a gift certificate to zappos.com.

Letting Go of Grudges – Common Questions About the Happiness Exercise

Dr. Acacia Parks-Sheiner — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 13:46:07 +0000

Dr. Acacia Parks-Sheiner addresses common questions about the happier.com exercise Letting Go of Grudges.

If I am holding a grudge against someone, isn’t letting go of the grudge is the same as excusing the other person’s misbehavior?

A common misperception touted by grudge-holders far and wide is that grudges are somehow functional. Maybe they prevent you from making the same mistakes in the future, or they punish the other person for whatever transgression they have committed.

The reality couldn’t be farther from the truth: the only person a grudge punishes is you. The research suggests that holding a grudge has all sorts of negative effects on both your physical and emotional health. The transgressor, on the other hand, isn’t going to know either way whether or not you have forgiven her. In fact, sometimes, transgressors don’t even know you’re holding a grudge in the first place! The feeling that a grudge is something that exists between two people is an illusion – a grudge is an internal process, experienced only by you.

Furthermore, despite the old adage “forgive and forget,” forgiveness does not necessarily mean forgetting. There is a huge difference between forgetting a transgression and taking control of your feelings about that transgression! Nobody’s telling you to forget – only to let go of the bottled-up emotions you’re holding onto.

Despite whatever our intuitions might tell us, there is no evidence that holding a grudge is helpful. It’s harmful, and not to the transgressor – to you! Try out “Letting Go of Grudges” and see what happens. You have nothing to lose… except your grudge.

Dr. Acacia Parks-Sheiner is an instructor in positive psychology, a researcher and a member of the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. Dr. Parks-Sheiner has taught a variety of classes on how to use positive psychology interventions, and she often gets questions from students and clients about what will work best for them.

Benji Loves happier.com and Tells Us Why – You Can Win Too

happier.com — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 11:11:47 +0000

We sometimes run promotions at happier.com for registering (it’s free!) and for joining as a paid subscriber (starting at $5/month!). Recently, happier.com user Benji won a $100 amazon.com gift certificate through a contest. We asked him to describe what he likes about the site. Below is what he sent in:

Reaching the age of early 40s, I found myself stuck in the middle age crisis, coupled with financial impact from the tsunami, I have been unhealthy in both psychologically and behaviorally at home and in business. One day, a friend of mine introduce me to Happier.com

My addiction to happier.com started from the video by Dr Martin Seligman who explained what is ‘positive psychology’.
Then followed with a plan to make myself happier everyday.

What I have to do is to follow your “Have a good day”, and “Three Good Things” at the very beginning. The journal that I need to described what has happened today give a fresh reflection on how well I did today, giving me a sense of satisfaction. What actually makes me happy is simply spending more time with my eight year old son, and when I draft the journey, I found I am maximizing my happiness by being with him, reading books and playing on-line games together. Even a 30-minutes is enough for both of us reaching each other communicate together.

Nowaday, I become more open-mindedness and more assertive during my interactions with people, at daily life and career life, and thus, I am more happier I could say. So, I will keep on the exercises and I believe Happier.com will assist me to become more resilience and bounce back from career adversity.

Cheers!
Benji

What is Your Favorite Happiness Fact, Quote or Finding? Share With Us and You Could Win A Zappos.com Certificate!

happier.com — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 18:14:32 +0000

What is your favorite happiness fact? It could be a surprising research finding, or a great quote. Be sure to fill out the questions below. Each valid submission before Thursday 10/1 enters you into a raffle for a $10 gift certificate to zappos.com. Selected happiness facts will be published on happier.com, on twitter (from @happier) and in other sources.

The details: Whenever you give us permission, we’ll make sure to credit you. You can enter as many unique facts as you want, prior to 10/1. Each entry counts toward the gift certificate raffle. And if multiple people enter the same fact, we won’t count it against you. You still have a chance to win.

Just use the form below or click here.

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What makes people happy? Some feedback from our users

Doug Hensch — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 15:17:54 +0000

We like to ask questions. And, we found out that our community of users likes to answer them! We’re not talking about happiness or optimism tests. We’ve asked you some questions about how happiness and resilience work in the real world and here is what you said…

Question: Do you think you can increase your happiness?

Yes – 86%
No – 6%
Not sure – 8%

Question: Watching the news on TV makes me…

happier – 3%
less happy – 32%
no effect – 19%
depressed – 46%

Question: I am happier when I am…

by myself – 39%
with other people – 61%

Question: Which of the following would make you happier?

winning the lottery – 47%
having children – 11%
getting married – 24%
your favorite team wins the championship – 2%
living in your dream house – 16%

Question: Which of the following provides you with the most meaning and purpose in your life?

work – 18%
doing charity – 8%
kids – 27%
religion – 16%
other – 31%

A few notes: These data were collected through polls placed on the front page of happier.com. They are not a scientific representative sample. But we think they’re fun.

Let us know if there is a question you would like us to ask. Just leave a comment below.

Who uses happier.com? Sherry – Winner of The Happiest Moment Contest

happier.com — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 20:39:34 +0000

The winner, with her prize

A few months ago, fans of happier.com on Facebook participated in the Your Happiest Moment Contest. After selecting finalists, the entire happier.com community voted on a winner. And happier.com user Sherrry won, for her picture, below.

Here's the picture which won the contest!

We asked Sherry what she thought of the site, and this is what she said:

I’m thrilled to be the winner of happier.com’s “Happiest Moment” contest. The winning photo was snapped at a moment when my son was full of exhilaration, playing frisbee with me on the beach while my beau was taking a surfing lesson. It was one of those moments in which “my cup runneth over” with joy and gratitude. So isn’t it great that I now have four beautiful mugs to remind me how FULL my cup of happiness and gratefulness can be every day of my life?!!!

I’ve been following happier.com on facebook for months and just signed up as a member of their new website. I love the wide variety of daily tips, tools, and tests that happier.com offers. But what I love most is being connected to a community of like-minded people who want to bring more joy and vitality into their lives. I know in my heart that it is possible to be happier and to spread that good feeling to everyone I meet; happier.com helps me do this — in so many ways. Thanks for helping so many people experience that “cup runneth over” feeling of delight!

Sherry Richert Belul

Author, Simply Celebrate: 101 Ways to Turn Ordinary Days into an Extraordinary Life

What’s the Connection Between Frozen Yogurt and Happiness?

happier.com — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 16:30:23 +0000

Thanks for your suggestions on what happiness facts to put on frozen yogurt cups. Below are the six final designs we used in our first major stickering-operation.

happier.com is advertising on frozen yogurt!

Come check out our stickers on the frozen yogurt cups at Sweet Ending, a new frozen yogurt shop on 18th and Chestnut in Center City Philadelphia. This cool new place offers 10 flavors of delicious frozen yogurt with your choice of many different toppings. While customers are enjoying their frozen yogurt bliss, happier.com has used their cups as an innovative way to spread the word about lasting happiness.

Each sticker on the cup (pictured above) provides a piece of advice or interesting fact about happiness.

happier.com Member Sherry Wins “Your Happiest Moment” contest

happier.com — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 14:37:04 +0000

happier.com user Sherry from California was the winner of the Your Happiest Moment contest. Sherry’s picture, below, was selected as one of four finalists and voted on by members of the happier.com community and fans on our facebook page.

The winning caption:

There is no happier moment for a mother than when her child is really loving life. This was a perfect moment in Huntington Beach when my son and I were playing frisbee together, looking for sea shells, and eating breakfast pastries while my beau was taking a surfing lesson. It was one of those days where we laughed all day long and wanted for nothing.

Sherry has won a set of 4 custom mugs with her winning picture from the happier.com store on zazzle. This is your place to buy custom happier.com merchandise including t-shirts and tote bags.

Congratulations on winning, Sherry!

Not yet a fan on facebook? Please become a fan of our facebook page for access to special opportunities like contests and “ask an expert” sessions.

Not yet a follower on twitter? Please follow us (@happier) for tweets from the experts, links to interesting news and analysis and updates from the team at happier.com.

Noted: Revised on 9/22 to reflect the winner’s name, “Sherry” instead of “Nicole,” due to a previous mistake.

Please Vote Today and Help Choose a Winner of the “Your Happiest Moment” Contest

Andrew Rosenthal — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 22:04:14 +0000

Earlier this month we told you about the “Your Happiest Moment” contest. We asked you to visit our facebook page and submit a picture of you at your happiest moment. Thanks to everyone who entered — we received responses from all over the world.

Now it’s time to pick a winner. The person who wins will receive a set of mugs with the winner’s picture on them, to be reminded of “your happiest moment” every morning.

Please help us pick a winner

The happier.com team has picked four semi-finalists for the contest. We’ll award the entry to the picture that gets the most votes and comments on the facebook page, by 11:59pm EST on Sunday, August 2nd. To vote, please visit the facebook photo album and select your favorite picture. The click “like” or leave a comment to vote for that picture. Remember to read the caption to see why the picture represents “Your Happiest Moment.”

Remember to add us on facebook!

If you’re on facebook, please become a fan of the happier.com page.
The Four Finalists – click on each to vote

Photo 1. Free as a bird, not a care in the world, exploring my beautiful country - bliss...

Photo 2 There is no happier moment for a mother than when her child is really loving life. This was a perfect moment in Huntington Beach when my son and I were playing frisbee together, looking for sea shells, and eating breakfast pastries while my beau was taking a surfing lesson. It was one of those days where we laughed all day long and wanted for nothing.

Photo 3 Sometimes your happiest moments come when loved ones realize their goals and dreams. Our family had been challenged by divorce when my children were 9 and 10. I had nearly full custody, and my son, daughter and I virtually "grew up" together. We climbed unimaginable mountains and experienced many cherished moments. This photo captures my happiest moment, taken May 2, 2009. It is of our "new" family, taken the night before my daughter Brittany's marriage to her college sweetheart, Matt. I am now married to Jim -- an amazing husband and stepfather. My son Blake was his sister's man-of-honor. Both children graduated from college recently and live full and happy lives. The depth of our love and happiness just continues to grow!

Photo4 April 2, 2009. The day Richard and I got married in Santa Rosa, California. A private ceremony with just our dearest friends as Best Man and Maid of Honor - we laughed, cried, played, exchanged original heartfelt vows and simply enjoyed each other's company and every moment as the day unfolded. It was not about everything going perfect, no mistakes, etc. It was about accepting everything as already perfect, no matter the circumstances.

Remember - click through on the photo and sign into facebook then click “like” or leave a comment to vote in favor of the picture. You can vote for 1 or more of the pictures, with no more than one vote allowed per person, per day, for each photo. Feel free to have your friends vote too… all votes count!