Dr. Acacia Parks is an instructor in positive psychology, a researcher and a member of the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. Dr. Parks has taught a variety of classes on how to use positive psychology interventions, and she often gets questions from students and clients about what will work best for them.
Question: I read about the “Active and Constructive Responding” exercise and I am pretty sure I already respond this way when people come to me with good news. Can this exercise still be useful for me?
Answer: Most people don’t think of themselves as a spoilsport who responds negatively (or not at all) when people come to them with good news. However, we have all had the experience of going to someone with good news and not getting the response we want. It happens. I promise that at one point or another, you have done this. There’s always room for improvement! If you consider yourself a practiced Active-Constructive Responder, here are some tips for taking this exercise to the next level:
1. Be more attentive – that is, be on constant lookout for opportunities to respond Actively and Constructively. Try to spot good news when it is less than obvious – people don’t always come to you bursting with obvious excitement when they have good news to report.
2. See if you can completely eliminate Passive-Constructive responses from your repertoire. Any time you find yourself saying “cool” or “that’s nice” see if you can muster something more enthusiastic. Any good news that’s worth acknowledging is worth acknowledging with gusto!
3. Challenge yourself to turn good news into great news. Instead of just sharing in the other person’s enthusiasm, see if you can increase it by finding even more aspects of the situation to be excited about.
happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.
We asked people to submit their favorite happiness facts and Steve was the winner of a gift certificate to zappos.com.
Dr. Acacia Parks-Sheiner addresses common questions about the happier.com exercise Letting Go of Grudges.
If I am holding a grudge against someone, isn’t letting go of the grudge is the same as excusing the other person’s misbehavior?
A common misperception touted by grudge-holders far and wide is that grudges are somehow functional. Maybe they prevent you from making the same mistakes in the future, or they punish the other person for whatever transgression they have committed.
The reality couldn’t be farther from the truth: the only person a grudge punishes is you. The research suggests that holding a grudge has all sorts of negative effects on both your physical and emotional health. The transgressor, on the other hand, isn’t going to know either way whether or not you have forgiven her. In fact, sometimes, transgressors don’t even know you’re holding a grudge in the first place! The feeling that a grudge is something that exists between two people is an illusion – a grudge is an internal process, experienced only by you.
Furthermore, despite the old adage “forgive and forget,” forgiveness does not necessarily mean forgetting. There is a huge difference between forgetting a transgression and taking control of your feelings about that transgression! Nobody’s telling you to forget – only to let go of the bottled-up emotions you’re holding onto.
Despite whatever our intuitions might tell us, there is no evidence that holding a grudge is helpful. It’s harmful, and not to the transgressor – to you! Try out “Letting Go of Grudges” and see what happens. You have nothing to lose… except your grudge.
Dr. Acacia Parks-Sheiner is an instructor in positive psychology, a researcher and a member of the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. Dr. Parks-Sheiner has taught a variety of classes on how to use positive psychology interventions, and she often gets questions from students and clients about what will work best for them.
happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.
We sometimes run promotions at happier.com for registering (it’s free!) and for joining as a paid subscriber (starting at $5/month!). Recently, happier.com user Benji won a $100 amazon.com gift certificate through a contest. We asked him to describe what he likes about the site. Below is what he sent in:
Reaching the age of early 40s, I found myself stuck in the middle age crisis, coupled with financial impact from the tsunami, I have been unhealthy in both psychologically and behaviorally at home and in business. One day, a friend of mine introduce me to Happier.com
My addiction to happier.com started from the video by Dr Martin Seligman who explained what is ‘positive psychology’.
Then followed with a plan to make myself happier everyday.
What I have to do is to follow your “Have a good day”, and “Three Good Things” at the very beginning. The journal that I need to described what has happened today give a fresh reflection on how well I did today, giving me a sense of satisfaction. What actually makes me happy is simply spending more time with my eight year old son, and when I draft the journey, I found I am maximizing my happiness by being with him, reading books and playing on-line games together. Even a 30-minutes is enough for both of us reaching each other communicate together.
Nowaday, I become more open-mindedness and more assertive during my interactions with people, at daily life and career life, and thus, I am more happier I could say. So, I will keep on the exercises and I believe Happier.com will assist me to become more resilience and bounce back from career adversity.
Cheers!
Benji
happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.
What is your favorite happiness fact? It could be a surprising research finding, or a great quote. Be sure to fill out the questions below. Each valid submission before Thursday 10/1 enters you into a raffle for a $10 gift certificate to zappos.com. Selected happiness facts will be published on happier.com, on twitter (from @happier) and in other sources.
The details: Whenever you give us permission, we’ll make sure to credit you. You can enter as many unique facts as you want, prior to 10/1. Each entry counts toward the gift certificate raffle. And if multiple people enter the same fact, we won’t count it against you. You still have a chance to win.
Just use the form below or click here.
happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.
