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Tuesday’s Tip – Keep your glove down

Doug Hensch — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:20:34 +0000

Last Saturday was my son’s last tee ball game, this season. As is the case in tee ball, young kids make lots of mistakes and young, well-meaning parents like to give lots of advice to their 5-year old sons and daughters. At one point in the game, a ground ball rolled through one little boy’s legs, and several parents shouted, “Come on – you have to catch the ball.”

“Well,” I thought to myself, “That’s exactly what he wanted to do!” This little boy needed to be told:

Keep your glove down
Put your free hand on top of your glove
Spread your feet
Bend your knees
And, by the way, nice try!

I feel the same way when someone tells me to just “stay positive.” Being optimistic does not come naturally for a great deal of people (including me!). I’m a born pessimist. For the last couple of years, I have practiced several specific techniques to beat back my natural inclination to be pessimistic. The following three exercises have helped me develop what Dr. Martin Seligman refers to as a “flexible optimism” to help me cope with life’s adversities.

ABCDE: An oldie but a goodie! Dr. Seligman writes about this in Learned Optimism and it may not be new to many of you, but it has become a trusted friend to me. Check out an older post of mine that explains this in detail. Or, try the Control Negative Thoughts exercise on happier.com.
Put It In Perspective: This is a simple exercise that I learned from Dr. Karen Reivich and Dr. Andrew Shatte, authors of The Resilience Factor. If you are the type of person who overreacts to adversity, this exercise is for you. When something bad happens and you are feeling overwhelmed, take a minute to write down the following. First, articulate the worst case scenario – indulge your pessimism, for a moment. Then, jot down the best case scenario. Be a little silly. For instance, if you find out that you did not get the job that you really wanted, you might write down that you start your own company, become independently wealthy, and give lectures about your successful career for a living! This is not meant to be seen as a realistic scenario. Introducing a little humor opens your mind to other possibilities. Next, write down the most realistic outcomes of the adversity and try to problem solve for the most likely outcomes.
An Optimism Journal: Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of The How of Happiness, shares that people who write about an optimistic future for 20 minutes a day for four consecutive days were “more likely to show immediate increases in positive moods, to be happier several weeks later, and even to report fewer physical ailments several months hence.”

So, the next time someone close to you is having a bad day, try to avoid saying, “Just be positive” and give some specific advice. You just might be talking to a pessimist.

happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.

Panel on Staying Resilient: Why Happiness is Important in Business

happier.com — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 19:16:04 +0000

On behalf of Drexel University’s Business of Ambition: Co-Curricular Activities, Programs & Services, Kamina Richardson, Program Manager and co-sponsor happier.com invite you to attend:

“Staying Resilient: Why Happiness is Important in Business”

Wednesday, October 14th
Antoinette Westphal College of Media Arts & Design
Nesbitt Hall, Ruth Auditorium
33nd and Market Streets
Philadelphia, PA 19104
5 – 6 p.m. Panel Discussion
6-7 p.m. Reception

When the growth is stagnant and people are losing jobs, why should we care about happiness? What impact does employee happiness have on productivity and engagement, and how do we teach people to be more resilient in the face of adversity? What works for increasing employee happiness?

Leaders in the fields of management, consulting and psychology provide perspectives on staying resilient during tough times: why happiness is important for business. Learn what Merrill Lynch and the U.S. Army are already doing to increase happiness and resilience and hear about the latest findings in the science of happiness.

Panel Speakers:
Professor Diana Sandberg is an instructor for the Finance Department at LeBow College of Business. She is an expert in Risk Management.

Scott Asalone is partner and co-founder of ASGMC. He co-founded the firm to inspire and guide people in business to be their very best, through the use of his motivational speaking skills and management development expertise. Scott has a Masters Degree in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. He is an affiliate of the American Psychological Association and a member of the International Positive Psychology Association. He is certified in Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory, Firo-B, and Dimensional Management techniques.

Karen Reivich, Ph.D. is co-author of The Resilience Factor and of the best-selling The Optimistic Child. Dr. Reivich is a Research Associate at the University of Pennsylvania’s Department of Psychology, and is also the co-director of the Penn Resiliency Project and an instructor in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology program in which she teaches a course on Positive Psychology and Individuals.

Adam M. Grant, Ph.D. is an award-winning researcher and Associate Professor of Management at The Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania. Dr. Grant’s research focuses on work motivation, job design, pro-social helping and giving behaviors, initiative and proactive behaviors, and employee well-being.

To register: http://www.lebow.drexel.edu/Event/2528 or contact Kamina Richardson 215-571-3568 for additional information.

Media contacts: Christa Guidi, Cashman & Associates, 215.627.1060, cguidi@cashmanandassociates.com or Courtney Sochacki, Cashman & Associates, 215.627.1060, courtney@cashmanandassociates.com

Tuesday’s Tip – Learn how to give up

Doug Hensch — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 12:06:03 +0000

Last weekend, I decided to teach my kids how to ride their bikes. So, we went out to the garage, took off the training wheels and put on our helmets. Before we started, though, I told both boys, “Just remember, when you feel yourself starting to fall, pedal harder!”

As millions of moms and dads have done before me, I gave the boys some other words of encouragement, put them on the bikes, and held the seat for balance until they were up and running. Then, at the top of my lungs, I yelled, “Pedal harder! You can do it!”

Within seconds, my oldest son decided to ignore my advice and he crashed. No broken bones. No bruises, no scrapes. I ran to him and said, “Nice work! You went about 30 yards all by yourself. Now, bounce back up and let’s try, again.”

For any of you who have taught your kids how to ride a bike, you probably already realized that I repeated this sequence at least a dozen times over the course of that morning. Every time each one of them fell, in a very positive way, I told them to try, again. After a quick break for lunch, the boys were back on their bikes and riding around like pros.

If I had to do it all over, again, I probably wouldn’t change a thing that I said or did (except to have someone else hold the video camera!). While encouraging my sons to keep trying was a good thing, in this case, there are going to be challenges in my sons’ lives where the best decision is to stop trying and give up.

One of the most important lessons that I learned from The Resilience Factor was the idea that resilient people actually do give up. They have the ability to understand that further attempts are not going to change the results of a situation. Resilient people develop a “flexible optimism” that allows them to put their energy, efforts, and resources into the areas of their lives where they stand to gain the most. They look at failing as just another opportunity to learn more about themselves. They then apply this to future situations.

Unfortunately, I do not believe there is a formula that tells you when to give up, but here are some questions you might want to consider if you get the sense that it might be time to move on:

What resources, experience, or qualities are acquired to achieve this goal?
Of these resources, experience, and qualities, what am I missing?
Can I obtain these?
What is the cost in terms of money, time, effort, etc. to obtain these?
What are my options if I decide not to pursue this goal?

So, when you find someone telling you to just “pedal harder” don’t be afraid to give up and learn.

Thirty Profiles of Resilience in Business – The Psychology of Bouncing Back

happier.com — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 18:12:30 +0000

Entrepreneurs are a hearty bunch. They’re known for persevering when others give up. But there’s a difference between realistic optimism and stubbornly hitting your head against the wall hoping something will change.

Inc: The Magazine for Growing Companies combed through 30 years of stories to find the ones that best illustrate an entrepreneur overcoming an obstacle where others would have given up. And, from zappos.com to the 1993 Dallas Cowboys Superbowl victory, many of the results are now taken for granted. All 30 stories are profiled online. And to read some unknown stories of resilience, from users of happier.com, visit the Community section, where you can even contribute your own story.

Tuesday’s Tip – Learn from past adversities

Doug Hensch — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 20:07:18 +0000

When I first moved to the the DC area in the mid-1990’s, it took me a couple of months to find a job. One summer day, I got a call saying that I had been offered a training specialist position. I was overjoyed. This was a completely new career for me and I looked upon it as a major achievement after countless interviews and applications.

About three months after starting the job, however, I was laid off as the business was downsizing. I was devastated and had trouble thinking straight for a couple of days. How was I going to find something, again, with so little experience? How was I going to pay the bills? These and many more questions kept running through my mind. I did find another job, of course, but it was a very difficult time.

Looking back on my reaction, I probably would have been better served by focusing on action. That is, my goal was to find another job, so my energy would have been more productively spent updating my resume, building contacts, applying for jobs, etc. By keeping it in perspective and focusing on solutions I am also convinced I would have felt much better.

And, the research shows that some people will actually grow from this type of experience and be stronger as a result. In fact, I would venture to say that if we all looked back on many of our own adversities, we would recognize that as one door closed, eventually, another one opened.

In my own case, I was able to land a position with an up-and-coming wireless telecom company that ended up being a spring board for my entire career. In fact, I probably would not have been looking for this particular job had I not been laid off. As I look at the other adversities that I have faced in sports, business, and my personal life, I realize that I actually did benefit from each bad event. I learned specific lessons that will help me for the rest of my life.

And, while this knowledge does not prevent future adversities from happening, I know that I am stronger and more resilient as a result. I know that (as my Winston Churchil and my Dad) have said, “This, too, shall pass.”

So, the next time an adversity hits, do your best to keep it in perspective and recognize that there may actually be an opportunity for growth waiting for you at the other end.

In the meantime, learn from your past adversities through our What Door Opened? exercise or take a minute to read some great stories of resilience in our Community section.

Positive Psychology and Resilience Training to be Used by U.S. Military Sergeants

happier.com — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 13:05:45 +0000

A recent article in the Philadelphia Inquirer covers an exciting project involving the U.S. Military and research in positive psychology. The project focuses on resilience, which is the collection of skills that help people bounce back and persevere in the face of adversity. happier.com includes a number of resilience-building tools including:

Active and Constructive Responding build the bonds of strong relationships. Stronger relationships help ensure that, when faced with adversity, you find ways to excel together.

Control Negative Thoughts is an in-the-moment psychological strengthening tool to help minimize the impact of stressful situations and prepare you to excel even in though situations.

Penn center to help Army with stress

By Stacey Burling, Inquirer Staff Writer

Army sergeants may have a tough-guy image, but University of Pennsylvania psychologist Martin Seligman thinks they’re in a perfect position to teach their fellow soldiers how to better handle emotions.

That is why sergeants – the line teachers of the Army – will be the first to receive resiliency training when a new project designed to revamp the Army’s approach to mental health rolls out next month. Fifty noncommissioned officers will go to Penn’s campus for a week of training by staff of the Positive Psychology Center, which Seligman directs. After that, 300 will arrive in November and December. They will take what they’ve learned about preventing psychological problems and living more fulfilling lives back to their troops, Seligman said.

Worried about rising suicide rates and thousands of soldiers with posttraumatic stress disorder, the Army is launching the Comprehensive Soldier Fitness program to help 1.1 million soldiers and their families cope more effectively with the stress of military life and combat.

“They’re not coming into the service with the coping skills they need,” said Gen. George W. Casey Jr., Army chief of staff. “That’s how the resilience program was born.”

The goal is to reduce problems and increase the number of people who improve and grow personally after surviving trauma, undergoing what psychologists call posttraumatic growth. Seligman has long argued that psychologists should think not only about what makes people miserable but also about what makes them happy and successful.

“Having an Army that’s just as psychologically fit as physically fit will make for a much more effective Army of the future,” he said.

Brig. Gen. Rhonda Cornum, a doctor who has a Ph.D. in nutrition and biochemistry, will direct the initiative. She knows something about stress. During the Persian Gulf War, she was in a helicopter that was shot down in late February 1991. Iraqi forces held her captive for more than a week before repatriating her in early March.

Cornum said yesterday that she never questioned her ability to survive. “I had absolute confidence that I would do well and that I would be emotionally fine when I got back,” she said. And, she said, the experience even made her a better person. But she realizes that not everyone was “brought up to look at things that were difficult as challenges. . . . The time to teach that is not when they’re in a prison in Baghdad.”

The Army, she said, historically has done a much better job of teaching physical fitness and technical skills than of addressing emotions. Now that soldiers face repeated conflict, they need more help.

“We decided it wasn’t a good idea to just wait until people had a problem and then try to solve it,” Cornum said. She likened mental problems to heart attacks. You can give a patient a bypass afterward, but it’s better to head off the attack with healthy food and exercise.

The initiative will cost $100 million over three years. Seligman said Penn would receive about $1 million for its work this year. Contracts have not yet been completed for training in 2010 and beyond. The program will also include periodic assessments of soldiers’ mental fitness in four areas: emotional, social, family, and spiritual. Soldiers will fill out a 150-item questionnaire in October and will take it every two years. They will be told confidentially how they did and will be offered classes developed by experts in the four key areas. Classes will also be made available to their family members.

Seligman said he was impressed by the Army’s approach. “They are calling on the best civilian science here,” he said. “This is a very classy operation they’ve mounted.”

Penn will teach soldiers to think differently about what happens to them. The program, originally developed to teach schoolchildren, will help the noncommissioned officers avoid “catastrophizing,” a tendency to imagine and fret about worst-case scenarios. It will also help them play to their strengths and virtues and build better relationships.

For example, Seligman said, they will be taught “active, constructive responding,” a technique that helps people draw out detail in a conversation that allows the other speaker to “relive good events.”

Cornum said 35 soldiers tried the program in May and gave it rave reviews. They said they had used its lessons immediately at work and at home. “Every single one of them said that,” Cornum said of six graduates she questioned at Fort Jackson yesterday. “I was happily amazed.”

She said the Army was working with Penn to “militarize the curriculum” so it is better suited to soldiers. “It probably wasn’t Braveheart and Band of Brothers,” she said of the original curriculum.

Seligman said he was especially pleased that the Army decided to take the program out of its medicine department and put it under education and training.

“Ever since being APA president,” he said, referring to the American Psychological Association, “I’ve been arguing that psychology wants to move out of this pathology model that it’s painted itself into.”

The original article is available from the Philadelphia Inquirer

Challenge your negative thoughts

Doug Hensch — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 11:08:19 +0000

Last week, I wrote about explanatory style. I related one experience where I got really down on myself for making a mistake at work and how my own style at the time put me in a downward spiral. It was this event that helped me realize that I was a pessimist. Over time, I was able to alter this thinking style and improve my happiness and my ability to solve problems. One simple and effective way to do this is through the ABCDE method.

It takes practice but it does have the ability to help you challenge your beliefs and create a more optimistic way of seeing events and situations.

A – State the Adversity in objective terms. Avoid any judgments and just state the facts of the situation. In my case, there was a mistake on a report that I sent out to some senior people at my company.

B – Listen to your Beliefs. I proceeded to blame myself. I thought I was incompetent, stupid, and responsible for this happening. (Notice how I did not state my feelings, at this point.)

C – State the Consequences. As a result of these beliefs, I felt sad, anxious, and even angry with myself. My thoughts were completely out of perspective as I ended my internal rant by thinking that I was going to lose my job. I had spiraled completely out of control.

D – Dispute your beliefs. If someone had come up to me and said that I was a terrible project manager and that I was stupid and incompetent, you can bet that I would have spent the rest of my day arguing with this person. But, because these beliefs came from me, I let them stick. Today, I would put this in perspective by saying something to the effect: “I have done an excellent job on this project, so far. Yes, I made the mistake, but at least four other people on our team did not catch it, either. I have received lots of praise from many of my clients and I am a valued part of this organization. My work has saved the company tens of thousands of dollars and I helped this team gain some notoriety throughout the company.”

E – Observe the Energization that this creates. This can be difficult but it is important step in savoring your new way of thinking. With regard to my situation, I would have said, “Wow, I feel a lot better. I am glad that I was able to put this in perspective and I am encouraged by the fact that I was able to challenge my own beliefs. This will help me a great deal in the future because I know that this is not the last time that I will make a mistake…”

In their book, The Resilience Factor, Karen Reivich and Andrew Shatte write that “…if you want to improve your ability to respond to adversity, you must listen to what you are saying to yourself when it occurs.” And, if you are constantly blaming yourself or thinking in an overly negative way, it is time to think in terms of ABCDE.

Optimism Training for 2 Million Children of Military Personnel: Positive Psychology Helping America’s Kids

Andrew Rosenthal — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 00:10:54 +0000

This article from today’s Philadelphia Inquirer helps underscore the potential for positive psychology to improve the lives of kids

Coalition aiding military children meets in Phila.

By Carolyn Davis

Inquirer Staff Writer

Gen. George W. Casey Jr., former commander of multinational forces in Iraq, said here yesterday that the Army would work with the University of Pennsylvania to help soldiers better deal with the stress of serving in uniform.

The Comprehensive Soldier Fitness program also will cover soldiers’ families, said Casey, the Army’s chief of staff. A formal announcement with more details is to be made next week.

Casey was in Philadelphia to speak during the first day of the Military Child Education Coalition’s national conference at the Sheraton Philadelphia Center City hotel.

The Army will partner with the University of Pennsylvania’s Positive Psychology Center, whose Resiliency Project works to give elementary and middle-school students skills in social problem-solving and interpreting stressful events.

“We have to get it right for families and children. We really believe our soldiers draw their strength from their families, and their families draw their strength from their communities,” Casey told the more than 1,000 conference attendees.

The conference’s theme is how to support the two million children of U.S. servicemen and women.

“Military children are America’s children,” said Mary M. Keller, president and CEO of the private, nonprofit coalition. Based in Texas, it includes civilian educators, military personnel who work with children, and parents of military children, about 75 percent of whom are under 12. The conference continues today and tomorrow.

Keller said the idea for the coalition began 12 years ago as a way to help children with a parent on active duty. After the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, the coalition began including children of National Guard members and reservists.

Keller emphasized that not all military children struggle with a parent’s service. For those who do, the conference addresses such topics as helping families deal with a loved one’s deployment and reintegration.

Army veteran Scott Quilty led a session called “Mom/Dad is Home. Now What?” Quilty, the U.S. program manager of a nonprofit group called Survivor Corps, told participants of his 2006 service in Iraq.

Quilty said he was leading a platoon stationed south of Baghdad, in an area called the Triangle of Death for its constant insurgent attacks. He stepped on a buried bomb, which shattered his right arm, calf, and thigh.

A physician’s assistant with the platoon that day saved his life, and doctors eventually amputated his right arm below his elbow and his right leg below the knee. His emotional recovery, he said, has been harder than his physical one.

Quilty didn’t have children at the time. But many soldiers who have suffered serious injuries do.

Children in particular have to make a huge adjustment to cope with a wounded parent’s condition after returning from war, said Michelle D. Sherman, director of the Family Mental Health program at the Oklahoma City Veterans Affairs Medical Center.

Sherman, in a session on teens in families affected by trauma, said military children not only feel the stress of their mobility, but also of deployment of their mother or father to faraway danger zones and of the parent’s return.

Keller said she worries that public attention to helping these children could wane as U.S. soldiers leave Iraq. “When there isn’t a war, that doesn’t mean the stress is gone,” she said. “If my dad came back profoundly changed when I was 10, that still remains.

Tuesday’s Tip – Learn your explanatory style

Doug Hensch — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 14:53:11 +0000

“I’m an idiot,” I said to a colleague after I had made a mistake on a report that had just been sent to several senior people at our company. “I can’t believe I did this, again. I’m always screwing up like this,” I said, thinking that this had become a habit and that I made mistakes all the time. Immediately, my thoughts spiraled into a mini-panic attack. Additional negative thoughts included:

I’m going to lose this project.
My career is in jeopardy.
Everyone is going to think I am stupid.
I’m a failure as a father and a husband.
I have let my family down and I’m going to be out of a job…

My colleague let me finish my rant, and said, “Wow. You’re pretty hard on yourself. Did you listen to what you just said?” If he had only heard what I was thinking…

No, I had not been really listening to myself but his question hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew that much of what I was saying and thinking was completely false but I couldn’t escape the pit in my stomach.

Shortly after this happened, another colleague of mine recommended that I read Martin Seligman’s latest book, Learned Optimism – How to change your mind and your life. Within the first few pages, I came to the realization that the way I was explaining events (both good AND bad) was not very healthy – I was a pessimist.

Dr. Seligman writes that there are three dimensions of your explanatory style: permanence, pervasiveness, and personalization. If you look at my statements from above, there was a certain degree of permanence to them - “always” and “I’m an idiot.”

As for pervasiveness, I took a small mistake at work and ended thinking that I wasn’t a good father or husband. Making a universal explanation for a specific adversity leads to giving up in other areas of your life.

Finally, I personalized this adversity. I didn’t take into account that several people helped me write the report and had actually signed off on it. I took full responsibility for something that I should have recognized was actually shared by others.

After determining my explanatory style, I recognized all the negative consequences that went with it. I was afraid to take risks. I didn’t take on the most difficult projects. I stayed in my comfort zone. When something bad happened, I focused on feeling bad as opposed to solving problems. Most importantly, I realized that I was planting the seeds of pessimism with my kids. (The research shows that there is a very strong correlation between a parent’s explanatory style and that of the child.)

I decided to work on my pessimism, but I wanted to get a more accurate read on my explanatory style, first. One way to to do this is to take Dr. Seligman’s Optimism Test. The test presents you with 12 different situations, asks you to come up with one major cause for each situation, and then asks you to rate the question on three different scales. A higher score indicates an optimistic explanatory style while a lower score indicates a pessimistic style.

The good news is that we can change our explanatory styles (come back next Tuesday for more on that…). All it takes is practice and some patience. But, the first step is to be mindful. Your friends, colleagues, and your kids are listening to your explanations – you should, too.

What is your explanatory style?

Tuesday’s Tip – Teach your kids to be happier & more resilient

Doug Hensch — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 11:29:45 +0000

Dr. Martin Seligman said something recently that really spoke to me on a very personal level. At a conference in Philadelphia, he asked the audience, “What do you want for your kids?” He paused, then asked, “What do they teach your kids in school?” Dr. Seligman went on to say that when he asks this question he usually has parents who answer the first question with, “I want my kids to be happy” while the second question is met with some silence as we know that happiness and well being are not yet parts of the formal classwork, in most cases.

As a father of two little boys, I spent some time thinking about how I would go about helping my kids be happier. Last week, I wrote about teaching them the basics of gratitude, but gratitude is only one element of happiness. And, at their ages (four and five), they are not yet ready to use the exercises on happier.com or even the children’s version of the VIA Survey to identify their strengths. I wasn’t sure where to start…

I then recalled a conversation with Dr. Karen Reivich (one of the top researchers and practitioners in building optimism and resilience in kids) from several months ago. We were talking about my one son’s temperament and his propensity to get a little down on himself, at times. Because of his age, she mentioned that my best bet was to model the right behavior. Since the research shows a strong correlation between a parent’s optimism or pessimism and that of the child (whether it be a boy or a girl), this sounded like a great idea.

Now, when I play catch with my one son, I will intentionally drop a ball he throws and simply pick it up and throw it back. If we are drawing pictures, I make many mistakes (not all of them intentionally) and just erase them and start over. Occasionally, I ask him what I should do when something bad happens and he’ll answer, “Why don’t you try, again?” Slowly, but surely, I have seen a little bit of a positive change in his behavior after he makes mistakes. He is still very competitive and I don’t expect (or want) him to completely change, but I have seen a little improvement in a relatively short time period.

Just recently, we got a chance to see our favorite baseball team (the Boston Red Sox) play in person. My son’s favorite player struck out and I asked my son what the player should do next. He said, “He needs to try harder, next time.” So, the next time you make a mistake in front of your kids, remember that they’re learning how to cope with adversity from their role model – you.