By guest contributor Gloria Park Perin
Taking on an approach versus avoidance mindset can do wonders for motivation. Sure, dropping the saddlebags and squeezing into a bikini are great goals for exercise, but instead of focusing on some aspect of yourself that you want to change or lose, why not ask yourself what you might gain in terms of vitality and the physical capacity to pursue a good life?
Create a vision of the future. Start by thinking about what is most important to you and work from there. Are your children the most important to you? Or developing your entrepreneurial endeavors? Write down what you envision as your best possible future.
Think about the tangible rewards. Articulate what you could potentially gain in these areas of your life by becoming more active: More energy to run around and play with your children? Increased ability to handle daily stressors in managing and growing your business?
Finally, set positively worded goals. “I will” vs. “I won’t” or “I hope to gain” vs. “I hope to lose”. Write these down and revisit them frequently.
happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.
We’ve been reading lots about the book coming out by Barbara Ehrenreich: Bright-Sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America. We were invited to respond to an article about Ehrenreich following her talk at the University of Pennsylvania. The original guest column is online, and included below, with text linked out to original sources where appropriate.
Comments? Questions? Leave a note in the comments section and let us know.
Guest Column | A personal trainer for your happiness
Learning and practicing optimism can literally brighten your future
By Andrew Rosenthal and Doug Hensch
Last week, The Daily Pennsylvanian asked “Does Positivity Cripple the U.S.?” after hearing Barbara Ehrenreich speak in College Hall about her new book, Bright-Sided: How The Relentless Promotion Of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America. According to reports, her talk was an argument against positive thinking and smiles. Seriously.
Although we did not attend the talk or review a pre-released copy of the book, a few things about Ehrenreich are clear. According to the DP and The New York Times, she finds herself “infuriated” by teddy bears and frustrated by upbeat T-shirts. Positivity and optimism are “the strongest sources of negativity in our society” she claims — and optimism is “just too damn much work” to be a worthwhile pursuit. However, we resist the urge to dismiss Ehernreich outright as a grump.
Ehrenreich is critical of “bogus” and “false” and “unsullied” optimism. Fine. But such specific modifiers mean that there must be a “genuine,” “real” and “authentic” optimism out there — something imperfect but grounded in reality. In fact, realistic optimism is the bedrock of positive psychology — the scientific study of well-being. When carefully defined, optimism is about seeing opportunity in challenge, identifying the limitations of bad events and finding hope in the most dire of times. Optimism is what got Barack Obama elected.
In practice, what is the difference between optimism and pessimism? A pessimist examines a situation and can identify only the most dire possible outcomes. Case in point: Ask a good attorney to review a contract, and she will point out everything that might possibly harm you in its execution. Planning for the worst situation is a good thing when it comes to attorneys and airline pilots. But artists and authors and athletes flourish as optimists, when they take a chance and try to do better, and more, than their predecessors.
This isn’t just a matter of semantics — it’s science. Research started decades ago shows that Penn students who are optimists perform better in school and exhibit fewer signs of anxiety and depression than those who are pessimists. Today, every freshman in Wharton is required to complete the PennSTART program to learn how to enhance optimism skills through resilience training. In last week’s DP, columnist Maya Brandon called for PennSTART to become available to students in all schools.
In her talk, Ehrenreich reportedly railed against smiling. But research shows that people who exhibit genuine smiles in a high-school yearbook picture are less-likely to be divorced in their mid-50’s. And a happy physician reaches a faster, more accurate diagnosis of a difficult liver condition. Positivity levels were the difference between life and death for the Sisters of Notre Dame. Nuns who expressed the most positivity throughout life lived an average of 6.9 years longer than those who expressed the least.
But some of the most striking research shows that emotions of the heart, like hope and optimism are good … for the heart. Pessimistic men who suffered heart attacks were 86 percent more likely to die of another heart attack within 10 years. Only 33 percent of the most optimistic patients suffered the same fate. Put more bluntly, being a pessimist has the same effect on heart health as smoking about three packs of cigarettes a week. These findings are nothing to sneeze at — unless, of course, you’ve got a cold. If so, your roommate should hope he is an optimist — optimists have a significantly reduced chance of catching a cold, compared to pessimists.
Authentic happiness and realistic optimism have been rigorously studied around the world. Some of the best work comes from Penn’s own Martin Seligman, Ph.D., the Fox Leadership Professor of Psychology. Seligman and his colleagues have developed tests to let you measure your own optimism and happiness. The tests are available for free, at happier.com. Is your glass half empty, or half full?
happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.
A typical exchange between my dad and I when I was growing up.
Me: “Dad, wanna play catch?”
Dad: “Sure.”
Then, my dad would get up out of “his” chair and roll me ground balls, pretend to be a catcher receiving my pitches from a make believe mound, or he would be a wide receiver on a made up football field moving his hands to different positions so that I could practice throwing the football to different targets. I don’t really remember if we talked much but I learned how to be present for my own kids.
I’m singling out my dad but both of my parents were ALWAYS there for us. Almost every night, we sat down for a family dinner. My mom would drop what she was doing to help with homework. My dad would watch the Yankees with me every night during the summer but he didn’t push back when I swore my allegiance to the Red Sox. I never felt unloved or that I couldn’t go to them with some big problem. When questionable circumstances presented themselves and I had a choice to go with the crowd or do the right thing, I almost always thought about how my parents would react if they found out. In the end, I chose wisely for most of my formative years.
Keep in mind that my parents were busy coaching sports, carting me and my sisters to various activities, and working long hours. But, they stopped what they were doing to talk to us, help us, or just be with us.
Flash forward 30 years and now we have wireless networks in our houses, Twitter, Facebook, Blackberries, iPhones, and way too many activities for our kids. We’re busier than ever but are we spending enough quality time with those we love? Is it quality time when we’re rushing from place to place with our kids and spouses? Are you truly present with someone else when you answer a question but your face is buried in your Blackberry?
The following are a couple of tips to improve and deepen the relationships you already have with those you care about the most:
- Drop what you’re doing and give your full attention to those around you.
- Avoid the temptation to answer your phone or read an email when talking with someone else.
- When someone brings you good news, learn how to respond actively and constructively. Give them your full attention. Ask follow up questions and show genuine interest.
Shelly Gable’s research shows that how we discuss good events is is more predictive of strong relations than how you fight. It is also the basis for our Active & Constructive Responding exercise that teaches you how to respond to the good events of others and track your progress.
So, the next time your child says, “Wanna play catch?” or your significant other brings some good news to you, put down the iPod and be present.
happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.
What is your favorite happiness fact? It could be a surprising research finding, or a great quote. Be sure to fill out the questions below. Each valid submission before Thursday 10/1 enters you into a raffle for a $10 gift certificate to zappos.com. Selected happiness facts will be published on happier.com, on twitter (from @happier) and in other sources.
The details: Whenever you give us permission, we’ll make sure to credit you. You can enter as many unique facts as you want, prior to 10/1. Each entry counts toward the gift certificate raffle. And if multiple people enter the same fact, we won’t count it against you. You still have a chance to win.
Just use the form below or click here.
happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.
The happiness-health relationship isn’t magic – although some parts of it may be biological, a big part of why happy people are healthier stems from behaviors that come more easily to happy people. A study by Bob Emmons and colleagues found that people who experience gratitude on a regular basis are more likely to spontaneously exercise, and they also get better sleep. These short-term health behaviors lead to long-term benefits like longer life span. So if getting happier doesn’t seem worth the effort by itself, think abut the health benefits!
Dr. Acacia Parks is an instructor in positive psychology, a researcher and a member of the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. Dr. Parks has taught a variety of classes on how to use positive psychology interventions, and she often gets questions from students and clients about what will work best for them.
happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.
