At happier.com, we were pleased to hear about the new workbook and study guide: Positively Speaking. We asked coach and consultant Paul Z. Jackson, the guide’s author, to explain to us the solutions-focused approach that characterizes his work.
What is solutions-focused coaching?
One of the managers I have been coaching complained that her meetings often began (and indeed continued) on a negative note. In an atmosphere of moaning and blame, she was finding it nearly impossible to shift the conversations from such ‘problem-talk’ into discussion of what was wanted and what could be done.
We decided that she would start the next meeting with a warm-up round of introductions, with each participant invited to state one thing that they were looking forward to during the day. She tried this and reported that the meeting was transformed. It turned out that her colleagues were delighted to engage in ‘solution-talk’ – they simply needed to be nudged out of their habits and into a more constructive way of working together.
This skill of shifting conversations from problem-talk to solution-talk can save you and the people around you a great deal of time, reduce stress and generate more positive collaborations. Learn more about these skills with the Positively Speaking workbook.
Paul Z Jackson is an inspirational consultant and coach, who devises and runs training courses and development programs in strategy, leadership, teamwork, creativity and innovation.
Co-director of The Solutions Focus www.thesolutionsfocus.co.uk, Paul is a popular keynote speaker and workshop presenter at conferences around the world.
happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.
Emiliya Zhivotovskaya is a member of the happier.com Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. “Using a scientifically based and integrative approach (positive psychology, neurology, yoga and alternative therapies) to enable the Mind, Body, Spirit and Will to flourish.”
It’s the day before Thanksgiving, I get on the phone with my weekly client. She’s feeling guilty that she’s not feeling grateful. She met a woman the night prior whose son was handicapped and was able to walk a little bit. Her outpouring of gratitude, made my client feel worse about her depleted attitude of gratitude. She said she couldn’t even think of what she was grateful for.
When I encouraged her to make her list, she immediately asked if she could make her “not grateful for” list. I said, “Of course.” Positive psychology is not about solely focusing on positive emotions and denying the negative. Here is the exercise that I did with my client that enabled us to work through the negative events she was facing and honor the positive.
- We made two lists: 1) Things she is grateful for in her life and 2) Things she is NOT grateful for in her life.
- She tallied both lists. She had 12 things we was grateful for and 13 things she was not grateful for.
Keeping Dr. Barbara Fredrickson’s Broaden and Build Theory in mind, I knew that my client needed to be above a ratio of 3 positive to every 1 negative emotion in order to flourish or feel better about her life. This required increasing her gratitude list.
- I asked her to go back to the list of things she was grateful for and find 24 more things. I explained that anything could be a source of gratitude; it was just a matter of shifting perspectives. At first it was difficult for her, but quickly gratitude for the garbage man, memories of Lake George and knowing that her dog has a good new home, made it to the list.
- Then we addressed the “NOT grateful for list.” One by one we looked at the things that essentially were not working in her life and reframed them as things that she was wanting. So she was, “not grateful for her friends all starting to move out of the neighborhood.” This discontent alludes to her “wanting strong connections to friends who live nearby.” Her feeling not grateful for her son treating her rudely indicates her strong desire to have a respectful and communicative relationship with her children.
- I asked her to read back to me her 36 Gratitudes and 13 Wants list.
In my practice, measuring the effectiveness of my work with clients is important. Prior to the start of this exercise I asked her to rate her positive mood on a scale of 1-10 (1 being dismal and 10 being highly positive). She rated herself at a 3 or 4. At the end of this exercise, she gave herself a 5.
Again, I was not trying to create a positive-disillusion in a situation. I was honoring where my client was and using basic tenets of positive psychology to find the area of her life where did have control over, and work there.
After this exercise, she remembered there was a writing class going on in a week that she wanted to register for. Without my prompting, she committed to registering for it as soon as we got off the phone. She was far from being in “peppy land”. However, she had stepped out of her negative rut and seemed to have a handle on some of the negative circumstances of her life.
Negative emotions are beautiful because they alert us to what we are wanting. Reframing “not grateful for lists” in the form of wants enables us creatively problem solve what to do about them. Use this exercise to take control of your reality and your thanks this thanksgiving.
happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.
Join the happier.com community on facebook to meet other positive psychology enthusiasts, students, researchers and practitioners. Become a “fan” of happier.com on facebook today, to join our community of happiness enthusiasts and for chances to win special discounts, prizes and opportunities.
happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.
By invited author Robert Biswas-Diener
A quick look at the shelves in any major bookstore will convince you that positive psychologists have no trouble getting the word out about their exciting new science. Each year literally dozens of titles are published on happiness, meaning and living a better life. Because it is rooted in empirical study Positive Psychology has given the self-help market a much needed scientific makeover. One conspicuous hole in all this new information, however, is a more engaging way of presenting material. Reading books- even best sellers—is inherently a passive activity.
With this in mind a group of top names in Positive Psychology created a series of workbooks designed to allow readers to engage more fully with the material. These workbooks, including titles such as Invitation to Positive Psychology, Positive Motivation and Positively Happy, are written by recognized authorities on the topic. Each workbook, weighing in at more than 100 pages long, is full of reflective exercises and suggested activities that allow readers to go “beyond the books” and actually use this dynamic material in their own lives. Readers gain not only background information on the science but also practical tips, opportunities to step back and take stock of their goals and experiments they can try in an effort to craft a better life.
Learn more about these workbooks.
happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.
It’s a unique opportunity to meet people who share similar interests and get excited about positive psychology. I hope to be turning on more friends in the area to happier.com. 
- Patty Ferssizidis from happierDC
Upcoming Meetups
happierPhilly.com
Philadelphia, PA: Thursday, November 19, 6:00pm. A focus on practitioners: The best books, tests, and tools for coaches, consultants and happiness trainers. With special guest, Coach Emiliya Zhivotovskaya, MAPP. Open to everyone, with a focus on practitioners. Register now.
happierPortland.com
Portland, OR: Sunday, November 22, 2:00pm. Inaugural Meetup: Surprising Findings from the Science of Happiness. At the inaugural meeting of happierPortland, we’ll have a special guest: noted author and educator Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener, author of Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth. 40+ registered; limited space still available. Register now.
Online Webinar
Everywhere. Wednesday, December 16, 3:00pm EST. Using happier.com with your Clients: A special Webinar for Positive Psychology Practitioners. This special webinar is designed for positive psychology coaches, consultants, trainers and other practitioners. Join us from your home or office for this one-hour networking and learning opportunity. Hear “what works” from expert positive psychology practitioners. Free. Register online or email with questions.
happierLA.com
Long Beach, CA: Wednesday, January 6, 6:15pm. Ten Tips To Improve Your Happiness NOW! Hosted by UniqueScan, with happier.com co-founder Andrew. Registration is now open.
happierSanFrancisco.com
San Francisco, CA: Thursday, January 7, 6:15pm. Surprising Discoveries from the Science of Happiness: What Works, What Doesn’t, and What You Can Do About It. With happier.com co-founder Andrew. This meetup is a direct result of user interest and organization! Sign up now to reserve your spot.
More meetups are in the works for Boston, DC, New York, Chicago and Seattle. Interested in getting involved in your neck of the woods? Email us.
Recent Meetups:
happierPhilly.com October 14th, 2009. Philadelphia, PA. Over 75 people RSVP’d for Staying Resilient in Tough Times: Why Happiness is Important in Business. Panelists included Dr. Karen Reivich, author of The Optimistic Child (co-author) and The Resilience Factor and Scott Asalone, Fortune 500 consultant. View pictures.
happierDC.com October 15, 2009. Washington, DC. Dr. Todd Kashdan hosted an intimate conversation: New Findings in Happiness & Personality: Looking Within People, Not Just Between. Attendees were in for a special treat when a crew from CNN came to learn more about the meetup and talk with attendees. View pictures.
happierNYC.com November 12, 2009. New York, NY. Co-founder Andrew introduced the science-backed tools and tests of happier.com and host Emiliya Zhivotovskaya led the group in positive psychology exercises.
Here’s the presentation from the NYC meetup
happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.
