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Researchers Measure Smiles to Predict Who Stays Married

happier.com — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 22:20:27 +0000

The December 13th New York Times Magazines features this piece by Jeff Stryker

Say cheese and stay married? Yes, according to Matthew Hertenstein, a psychology professor at DePauw University in Greencastle, Ind. He and three colleagues recruited more than 600 people for a review of their college yearbook photos. The researchers rated the yearbook smiles by coding muscle movements around the mouth and the eyes.

The researchers found a surprising correlation: the less people smiled, the more likely they were to later divorce. The effect was statistically significant, though not huge. But when Hertenstein compared the top 10 percent of brightest smilers with the bottom 10 percent of weakest smilers, the “lowest were five times more likely to be divorced than the top.”

The researchers also recruited 51 people to submit photos of their choosing. The relationship between smiling and staying married held even for the photographs this group submitted — posed and candid shots from when the subjects were, on average, 10 years old. “I’m more confident in the smiling effect because it held even with a) childhood and b) candid photos,” Hertenstein says. Studying smiles in photos is only the latest in what has come to be called “thin slice” research, popularized in the book “Blink,” a couple of best sellers ago from Malcolm Gladwell. For example, from very short video clips, research volunteers have determined with surprising accuracy the personality, socioeconomic status and sexual orientation of those on camera. A still photograph is merely an extremely wafer-thin slice.

The why of the smiling effect remains elusive. Hertenstein acknowledges potentially “dozens” of possible explanations, going with perhaps the most straightforward and benign. He says his “gut inclination is that people who smile on average in their photos have a positive disposition that serves them well in life and relationships.”

He cautions that his study is “not destiny.” Readers who frowned in their yearbook photos are not putting off the inevitable if they fail to rush to court to file for divorce. “There are plenty of people who defy the odds,” offers the professor, only slightly reassuringly.

Click here for the original post.

Tuesday’s Tip – Keep your glove down

Doug Hensch — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:20:34 +0000

Last Saturday was my son’s last tee ball game, this season. As is the case in tee ball, young kids make lots of mistakes and young, well-meaning parents like to give lots of advice to their 5-year old sons and daughters. At one point in the game, a ground ball rolled through one little boy’s legs, and several parents shouted, “Come on – you have to catch the ball.”

“Well,” I thought to myself, “That’s exactly what he wanted to do!” This little boy needed to be told:

Keep your glove down
Put your free hand on top of your glove
Spread your feet
Bend your knees
And, by the way, nice try!

I feel the same way when someone tells me to just “stay positive.” Being optimistic does not come naturally for a great deal of people (including me!). I’m a born pessimist. For the last couple of years, I have practiced several specific techniques to beat back my natural inclination to be pessimistic. The following three exercises have helped me develop what Dr. Martin Seligman refers to as a “flexible optimism” to help me cope with life’s adversities.

ABCDE: An oldie but a goodie! Dr. Seligman writes about this in Learned Optimism and it may not be new to many of you, but it has become a trusted friend to me. Check out an older post of mine that explains this in detail. Or, try the Control Negative Thoughts exercise on happier.com.
Put It In Perspective: This is a simple exercise that I learned from Dr. Karen Reivich and Dr. Andrew Shatte, authors of The Resilience Factor. If you are the type of person who overreacts to adversity, this exercise is for you. When something bad happens and you are feeling overwhelmed, take a minute to write down the following. First, articulate the worst case scenario – indulge your pessimism, for a moment. Then, jot down the best case scenario. Be a little silly. For instance, if you find out that you did not get the job that you really wanted, you might write down that you start your own company, become independently wealthy, and give lectures about your successful career for a living! This is not meant to be seen as a realistic scenario. Introducing a little humor opens your mind to other possibilities. Next, write down the most realistic outcomes of the adversity and try to problem solve for the most likely outcomes.
An Optimism Journal: Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of The How of Happiness, shares that people who write about an optimistic future for 20 minutes a day for four consecutive days were “more likely to show immediate increases in positive moods, to be happier several weeks later, and even to report fewer physical ailments several months hence.”

So, the next time someone close to you is having a bad day, try to avoid saying, “Just be positive” and give some specific advice. You just might be talking to a pessimist.

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Tuesday’s Tip – Lead with optimism

Doug Hensch — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 13:27:34 +0000

One of my closest friends played professional football for one of the best teams in the NFL during the early 1990’s. The team had talented players, a good front office, and excellent coaches. They believed they would win every game they played.

At the beginning of his sixth season, my friend was picked up by another team. He was impressed by the front office and the players on this new team. He missed his old teammates but he was excited for a new beginning in a new city. His new team was scheduled to play the San Francisco 49ers – a perennial powerhouse. At my friend’s first team meeting, the head coach walked into the team’s film room, turned to the team, paused for a second, then said, “I think we can stay with these guys…”

“Stay with these guys?” my buddy recounted to me. “I wanted to hear him say that we were going to win by 20 points!” he continued.

Sports are different, in many ways, from other aspects of our lives but I still believe the key ingredient in any successful leader is optimism. Why would you ever want to follow someone who didn’t truly believe in a better tomorrow?

The optimistic leader is better equipped to handle adversity. She sees obstacles and issues as challenges to be overcome, not a permanent setback. A truly talented leader uses optimism to motivate people and keep them engaged. She is realistic, flexible, and hopeful.

So, how can you be a more optimistic leader? Try these tips to lead with a flexible, realistic optimism:

Don’t take it personally: It’s ok NOT to blame yourself for everything that goes wrong. It’s ok to acknowledge the fact that some things are out of your control. If you do not believe in yourself, don’t expect others to follow.
Keep adversities in their place: When something bad happens, don’t let it affect other areas of your life. Dropping the ball on one project does not mean you are not a good leader.
This too shall pass: 99.9% of the bad things that happen are temporary. Set a good example for the people following you by showing them that you are ready for the next challenge by not dwelling on the past.

So, while most of life requires a realistic optimism, if you find yourself coaching an NFL team, make sure to the players, “We’re going to win by 20 points!”

Optimism Can Be the Difference Between Life and Death

Andrew Rosenthal — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 13:03:49 +0000

Dr. Michael Evans of St. Michael’s Hospital in Toronto writes in The Globe and Mail that Optimism May Help Ward Off Disease. He cites a recent study from Dr. Hilary Tindle et al in Circulation (the journal of the American Hearth Association) that followed 97,000 women and found that optimism is predictive of less heart disease.

Evans tells the story of a patient:

Marie was 64 when she contracted a rare form of cancer in the bile duct. Her prognosis was poor. We tried many interventions and had some success but, alas, only in the short term.

Marie was a teacher and had researched a new therapy based in, of course, California. It seemed to be a hybrid of unproven but promising new medical treatments with some alternative treatments added to the mix.

She had the money and an incredible, even refreshing, faith in this therapeutic cocktail, and wanted to try it while she was still relatively healthy. Tickets were bought and I wished her bonne chance .

She received a call the day before she was to leave to say there’d been a mistake, and she didn’t qualify for their program. Marie died the following week.

While the news about the health impact of optimism isn’t new, it’s a good reminder about the importance of becoming more optimistic.

We recently asked happier.con consultant Dr. Acacia Parks-Sheiner to define optimism from a scientific perspective: “The reason that we often talk in the research about optimism being more important is that… if you’re optimistic, you’re actually going to try, and you make it more likely that what you want to happen will [occur].”

We also asked Martin Seligman, the author of “Learned Optimism” to give an overview of the findings on optimism and physical health. The research shows that those who are optimistic have “much better” cardiovascular health than pessimists, with 1/4 the rate of cardiac deaths as the rest of the population.

Want to see optimism in practice? Then check out this great video from the people at The Foundation for a Better Life.

This video spot is from The Foundation For a Better Life.

Tuesday’s Tip – Learn how to give up

Doug Hensch — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 12:06:03 +0000

Last weekend, I decided to teach my kids how to ride their bikes. So, we went out to the garage, took off the training wheels and put on our helmets. Before we started, though, I told both boys, “Just remember, when you feel yourself starting to fall, pedal harder!”

As millions of moms and dads have done before me, I gave the boys some other words of encouragement, put them on the bikes, and held the seat for balance until they were up and running. Then, at the top of my lungs, I yelled, “Pedal harder! You can do it!”

Within seconds, my oldest son decided to ignore my advice and he crashed. No broken bones. No bruises, no scrapes. I ran to him and said, “Nice work! You went about 30 yards all by yourself. Now, bounce back up and let’s try, again.”

For any of you who have taught your kids how to ride a bike, you probably already realized that I repeated this sequence at least a dozen times over the course of that morning. Every time each one of them fell, in a very positive way, I told them to try, again. After a quick break for lunch, the boys were back on their bikes and riding around like pros.

If I had to do it all over, again, I probably wouldn’t change a thing that I said or did (except to have someone else hold the video camera!). While encouraging my sons to keep trying was a good thing, in this case, there are going to be challenges in my sons’ lives where the best decision is to stop trying and give up.

One of the most important lessons that I learned from The Resilience Factor was the idea that resilient people actually do give up. They have the ability to understand that further attempts are not going to change the results of a situation. Resilient people develop a “flexible optimism” that allows them to put their energy, efforts, and resources into the areas of their lives where they stand to gain the most. They look at failing as just another opportunity to learn more about themselves. They then apply this to future situations.

Unfortunately, I do not believe there is a formula that tells you when to give up, but here are some questions you might want to consider if you get the sense that it might be time to move on:

What resources, experience, or qualities are acquired to achieve this goal?
Of these resources, experience, and qualities, what am I missing?
Can I obtain these?
What is the cost in terms of money, time, effort, etc. to obtain these?
What are my options if I decide not to pursue this goal?

So, when you find someone telling you to just “pedal harder” don’t be afraid to give up and learn.

Thirty Profiles of Resilience in Business – The Psychology of Bouncing Back

happier.com — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 18:12:30 +0000

Entrepreneurs are a hearty bunch. They’re known for persevering when others give up. But there’s a difference between realistic optimism and stubbornly hitting your head against the wall hoping something will change.

Inc: The Magazine for Growing Companies combed through 30 years of stories to find the ones that best illustrate an entrepreneur overcoming an obstacle where others would have given up. And, from zappos.com to the 1993 Dallas Cowboys Superbowl victory, many of the results are now taken for granted. All 30 stories are profiled online. And to read some unknown stories of resilience, from users of happier.com, visit the Community section, where you can even contribute your own story.

Tuesday’s Tip – Learn from past adversities

Doug Hensch — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 20:07:18 +0000

When I first moved to the the DC area in the mid-1990’s, it took me a couple of months to find a job. One summer day, I got a call saying that I had been offered a training specialist position. I was overjoyed. This was a completely new career for me and I looked upon it as a major achievement after countless interviews and applications.

About three months after starting the job, however, I was laid off as the business was downsizing. I was devastated and had trouble thinking straight for a couple of days. How was I going to find something, again, with so little experience? How was I going to pay the bills? These and many more questions kept running through my mind. I did find another job, of course, but it was a very difficult time.

Looking back on my reaction, I probably would have been better served by focusing on action. That is, my goal was to find another job, so my energy would have been more productively spent updating my resume, building contacts, applying for jobs, etc. By keeping it in perspective and focusing on solutions I am also convinced I would have felt much better.

And, the research shows that some people will actually grow from this type of experience and be stronger as a result. In fact, I would venture to say that if we all looked back on many of our own adversities, we would recognize that as one door closed, eventually, another one opened.

In my own case, I was able to land a position with an up-and-coming wireless telecom company that ended up being a spring board for my entire career. In fact, I probably would not have been looking for this particular job had I not been laid off. As I look at the other adversities that I have faced in sports, business, and my personal life, I realize that I actually did benefit from each bad event. I learned specific lessons that will help me for the rest of my life.

And, while this knowledge does not prevent future adversities from happening, I know that I am stronger and more resilient as a result. I know that (as my Winston Churchil and my Dad) have said, “This, too, shall pass.”

So, the next time an adversity hits, do your best to keep it in perspective and recognize that there may actually be an opportunity for growth waiting for you at the other end.

In the meantime, learn from your past adversities through our What Door Opened? exercise or take a minute to read some great stories of resilience in our Community section.

Positive Psychology and Resilience Training to be Used by U.S. Military Sergeants

happier.com — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 13:05:45 +0000

A recent article in the Philadelphia Inquirer covers an exciting project involving the U.S. Military and research in positive psychology. The project focuses on resilience, which is the collection of skills that help people bounce back and persevere in the face of adversity. happier.com includes a number of resilience-building tools including:

Active and Constructive Responding build the bonds of strong relationships. Stronger relationships help ensure that, when faced with adversity, you find ways to excel together.

Control Negative Thoughts is an in-the-moment psychological strengthening tool to help minimize the impact of stressful situations and prepare you to excel even in though situations.

Penn center to help Army with stress

By Stacey Burling, Inquirer Staff Writer

Army sergeants may have a tough-guy image, but University of Pennsylvania psychologist Martin Seligman thinks they’re in a perfect position to teach their fellow soldiers how to better handle emotions.

That is why sergeants – the line teachers of the Army – will be the first to receive resiliency training when a new project designed to revamp the Army’s approach to mental health rolls out next month. Fifty noncommissioned officers will go to Penn’s campus for a week of training by staff of the Positive Psychology Center, which Seligman directs. After that, 300 will arrive in November and December. They will take what they’ve learned about preventing psychological problems and living more fulfilling lives back to their troops, Seligman said.

Worried about rising suicide rates and thousands of soldiers with posttraumatic stress disorder, the Army is launching the Comprehensive Soldier Fitness program to help 1.1 million soldiers and their families cope more effectively with the stress of military life and combat.

“They’re not coming into the service with the coping skills they need,” said Gen. George W. Casey Jr., Army chief of staff. “That’s how the resilience program was born.”

The goal is to reduce problems and increase the number of people who improve and grow personally after surviving trauma, undergoing what psychologists call posttraumatic growth. Seligman has long argued that psychologists should think not only about what makes people miserable but also about what makes them happy and successful.

“Having an Army that’s just as psychologically fit as physically fit will make for a much more effective Army of the future,” he said.

Brig. Gen. Rhonda Cornum, a doctor who has a Ph.D. in nutrition and biochemistry, will direct the initiative. She knows something about stress. During the Persian Gulf War, she was in a helicopter that was shot down in late February 1991. Iraqi forces held her captive for more than a week before repatriating her in early March.

Cornum said yesterday that she never questioned her ability to survive. “I had absolute confidence that I would do well and that I would be emotionally fine when I got back,” she said. And, she said, the experience even made her a better person. But she realizes that not everyone was “brought up to look at things that were difficult as challenges. . . . The time to teach that is not when they’re in a prison in Baghdad.”

The Army, she said, historically has done a much better job of teaching physical fitness and technical skills than of addressing emotions. Now that soldiers face repeated conflict, they need more help.

“We decided it wasn’t a good idea to just wait until people had a problem and then try to solve it,” Cornum said. She likened mental problems to heart attacks. You can give a patient a bypass afterward, but it’s better to head off the attack with healthy food and exercise.

The initiative will cost $100 million over three years. Seligman said Penn would receive about $1 million for its work this year. Contracts have not yet been completed for training in 2010 and beyond. The program will also include periodic assessments of soldiers’ mental fitness in four areas: emotional, social, family, and spiritual. Soldiers will fill out a 150-item questionnaire in October and will take it every two years. They will be told confidentially how they did and will be offered classes developed by experts in the four key areas. Classes will also be made available to their family members.

Seligman said he was impressed by the Army’s approach. “They are calling on the best civilian science here,” he said. “This is a very classy operation they’ve mounted.”

Penn will teach soldiers to think differently about what happens to them. The program, originally developed to teach schoolchildren, will help the noncommissioned officers avoid “catastrophizing,” a tendency to imagine and fret about worst-case scenarios. It will also help them play to their strengths and virtues and build better relationships.

For example, Seligman said, they will be taught “active, constructive responding,” a technique that helps people draw out detail in a conversation that allows the other speaker to “relive good events.”

Cornum said 35 soldiers tried the program in May and gave it rave reviews. They said they had used its lessons immediately at work and at home. “Every single one of them said that,” Cornum said of six graduates she questioned at Fort Jackson yesterday. “I was happily amazed.”

She said the Army was working with Penn to “militarize the curriculum” so it is better suited to soldiers. “It probably wasn’t Braveheart and Band of Brothers,” she said of the original curriculum.

Seligman said he was especially pleased that the Army decided to take the program out of its medicine department and put it under education and training.

“Ever since being APA president,” he said, referring to the American Psychological Association, “I’ve been arguing that psychology wants to move out of this pathology model that it’s painted itself into.”

The original article is available from the Philadelphia Inquirer

Challenge your negative thoughts

Doug Hensch — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 11:08:19 +0000

Last week, I wrote about explanatory style. I related one experience where I got really down on myself for making a mistake at work and how my own style at the time put me in a downward spiral. It was this event that helped me realize that I was a pessimist. Over time, I was able to alter this thinking style and improve my happiness and my ability to solve problems. One simple and effective way to do this is through the ABCDE method.

It takes practice but it does have the ability to help you challenge your beliefs and create a more optimistic way of seeing events and situations.

A – State the Adversity in objective terms. Avoid any judgments and just state the facts of the situation. In my case, there was a mistake on a report that I sent out to some senior people at my company.

B – Listen to your Beliefs. I proceeded to blame myself. I thought I was incompetent, stupid, and responsible for this happening. (Notice how I did not state my feelings, at this point.)

C – State the Consequences. As a result of these beliefs, I felt sad, anxious, and even angry with myself. My thoughts were completely out of perspective as I ended my internal rant by thinking that I was going to lose my job. I had spiraled completely out of control.

D – Dispute your beliefs. If someone had come up to me and said that I was a terrible project manager and that I was stupid and incompetent, you can bet that I would have spent the rest of my day arguing with this person. But, because these beliefs came from me, I let them stick. Today, I would put this in perspective by saying something to the effect: “I have done an excellent job on this project, so far. Yes, I made the mistake, but at least four other people on our team did not catch it, either. I have received lots of praise from many of my clients and I am a valued part of this organization. My work has saved the company tens of thousands of dollars and I helped this team gain some notoriety throughout the company.”

E – Observe the Energization that this creates. This can be difficult but it is important step in savoring your new way of thinking. With regard to my situation, I would have said, “Wow, I feel a lot better. I am glad that I was able to put this in perspective and I am encouraged by the fact that I was able to challenge my own beliefs. This will help me a great deal in the future because I know that this is not the last time that I will make a mistake…”

In their book, The Resilience Factor, Karen Reivich and Andrew Shatte write that “…if you want to improve your ability to respond to adversity, you must listen to what you are saying to yourself when it occurs.” And, if you are constantly blaming yourself or thinking in an overly negative way, it is time to think in terms of ABCDE.

Tuesday’s Tip – Learn your explanatory style

Doug Hensch — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 14:53:11 +0000

“I’m an idiot,” I said to a colleague after I had made a mistake on a report that had just been sent to several senior people at our company. “I can’t believe I did this, again. I’m always screwing up like this,” I said, thinking that this had become a habit and that I made mistakes all the time. Immediately, my thoughts spiraled into a mini-panic attack. Additional negative thoughts included:

I’m going to lose this project.
My career is in jeopardy.
Everyone is going to think I am stupid.
I’m a failure as a father and a husband.
I have let my family down and I’m going to be out of a job…

My colleague let me finish my rant, and said, “Wow. You’re pretty hard on yourself. Did you listen to what you just said?” If he had only heard what I was thinking…

No, I had not been really listening to myself but his question hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew that much of what I was saying and thinking was completely false but I couldn’t escape the pit in my stomach.

Shortly after this happened, another colleague of mine recommended that I read Martin Seligman’s latest book, Learned Optimism – How to change your mind and your life. Within the first few pages, I came to the realization that the way I was explaining events (both good AND bad) was not very healthy – I was a pessimist.

Dr. Seligman writes that there are three dimensions of your explanatory style: permanence, pervasiveness, and personalization. If you look at my statements from above, there was a certain degree of permanence to them - “always” and “I’m an idiot.”

As for pervasiveness, I took a small mistake at work and ended thinking that I wasn’t a good father or husband. Making a universal explanation for a specific adversity leads to giving up in other areas of your life.

Finally, I personalized this adversity. I didn’t take into account that several people helped me write the report and had actually signed off on it. I took full responsibility for something that I should have recognized was actually shared by others.

After determining my explanatory style, I recognized all the negative consequences that went with it. I was afraid to take risks. I didn’t take on the most difficult projects. I stayed in my comfort zone. When something bad happened, I focused on feeling bad as opposed to solving problems. Most importantly, I realized that I was planting the seeds of pessimism with my kids. (The research shows that there is a very strong correlation between a parent’s explanatory style and that of the child.)

I decided to work on my pessimism, but I wanted to get a more accurate read on my explanatory style, first. One way to to do this is to take Dr. Seligman’s Optimism Test. The test presents you with 12 different situations, asks you to come up with one major cause for each situation, and then asks you to rate the question on three different scales. A higher score indicates an optimistic explanatory style while a lower score indicates a pessimistic style.

The good news is that we can change our explanatory styles (come back next Tuesday for more on that…). All it takes is practice and some patience. But, the first step is to be mindful. Your friends, colleagues, and your kids are listening to your explanations – you should, too.

What is your explanatory style?