According to Ehrenreich, our society’s bombardment with constant pressure to “put a smile on” and a belief that “life is good” – the name of a company with which she expressed particular frustration – emerge as the strongest sources of negativity in our society.
In today’s world, positivity provides an easy target. It’s simple to be reactionary when the economy is stumbling and people are without healthcare, and you see a “life is good” shirt. But the reality is, responsible critics separate out realistic optimism from “pollyana hapiness” or blind optimism.
The difference isn’t just semantics — it’s science. Decades of research show that realistic optimism is beneficial for everyone from college students to cancer survivors. Optimism and positivity based in reality helps prevent depression and improve academic performance and it helps patients heal faster. Optimists have 1/4th the morbidity rate from heart disease that pessimists have. And the best research in this field has been conducted at Penn over the last 30 years. Just this year, the University made headlines with its multi-million dollar project to improve resilience and optimism in the Army. The data show that it’s foolish to dismiss positivity out-right. And if the Army is willing to get behind it, we ought to give the science of happiness the respect it’s due.
We asked Emiliya Zhivotovskaya, a member of the Positive Psychology Practitioners Directory, how she uses happier.com in her work.
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As a Happiness Coach I use many of the happier.com and positive psychology tools with my coaching clients. One of the most powerful tools is through the gratitude or Three Good Things exercise. I use this to apply Dr. Barbara Fredrickson’s Broaden and Build Theory that positive emotions enable people to think creatively and proactively; positive emotions build intellectual, physical, social and psychological resources.
When most clients start coaching, there is some sort of pain or problem they are facing. They are unemployed seeking employment, their personal relationships are no longer satisfying, they are not happy in their bodies and need to make a change or their in a place of baseline “surviving” instead of thriving. If they weren’t in that place of dissatisfaction with something in their life they wouldn’t be seeking to learn tools and be supported by a coach.
Negative emotions on the other hand narrow our focus. To put it in another way, when you’ve stubbed your big toe, you’re not thinking about donating money to children in need in third world countries. When we are in pain we focus all of our attention on the immediacy of the pain with little regard for what’s happening around is that is incongruent with that pain.
When my clients are in that dissatisfied place, we have to first start building their positivity ratio so that we can problem solve, think creatively about how to utilize the resources they have around them, or to simply get them moving forward towards their goals. First, I start with where the client already is and tap into the positive emotion of HOPE. They have come to coaching because they are, at some level, hopeful that this will help them get more of what they want out of life.
Then we further build their positivity through the Three Good Things exercise. There is always something to be grateful for, whether it is big or small. It’s simply a matter of shifting your focus. Sometimes when clients start with me, it’s hard to find much positive going on in their lives. It’s not that they are depressed; they are in a negative space.
I send my clients to discover and utilize the Three Good Things exercise. I encourage them to use it daily for at least two weeks. We usually find that their happiness and optimism level increases, just like the research supports. As a coach, I don’t give my clients solutions. I ask them questions. The answers to questions such as, “What kinds of tasks do you enjoy doing?” or “What kind of characteristics would you love in a partner?” are easier to come up with when we’ve increased their positivity. Often we find resources, people and opportunities that already exist in their lives that they’ve simply overlooked because they simply were not looking for them in their negative state of mind. I’ve found that utilizing the Three Good Things tool has made coaching more effective for my clients and encourage others to try it out for themselves.
Emiliya Zhivotovskaya is a member of the happier.com Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. “Using a scientifically based and integrative approach (positive psychology, neurology, yoga and alternative therapies) to enable the Mind, Body, Spirit and Will to flourish.”
Looking for a new book? We’ve selected 30 of the best books about the science of happiness. Written by the happier.com experts and other thought-leaders, these books are the best place to go to learn about the research and practice of positive psychology and ways to start getting happier.
When we come across a new book or one of our experts recommends one, we’ll add it to the bookstore as soon as it’s available. And since the bookstore is actually run by amazon.com, you can use your existing account with the site.
Have suggestions for books to add or questions about what’s included? Just let us know!
Videos are grouped into categories including education, exercises, gratitude, happienss, happier.com, optimism, positive psychology, relationships, resilience, strengths and tests.
Check out this exclusive video from Professor Barbara Fredrickson, as she answers questions from happier.com users about her area of expertise: positive emotions.
