“Doug, I want you to plan an event for our salespeople,” said our VP of Sales. “And, we’re holding it in two weeks, so you should probably get to work. What questions do you have for me?,” he finished.
I had no questions because all I could think about was failing and being humiliated. I had other responsibilities that I could not drop and I had never done something like this before.
There were two choices before me: 1) quit and look for a new job (remember, I’m a pessimist, at heart , 2) give it my best effort. I chose #2 and it is one of my favorite professional achievements, for two reasons.
First, I didn’t give up and I overcame my fear of failure. In The Pursuit of Perfect, Tal Ben-Shahar writes, “Taking on challenges instead of avoiding them has a greater long-term effect on our self-esteem than winning or losing, failing or succeeding.” So, just by trying, I felt better about myself. I realized that I was able to handle big challenges and I felt more confident about whatever the next big challenge would be.
Second, I actually enjoyed the process. Yes, it was stressful, but I engaged all my strengths and experienced moments of “flow” where time stood still and my performance was at its highest levels. More importantly, I realized that even if I had failed, it was the journey that counted. I met new people in my company, learned a great deal about our offerings, and developed new skills. Even if I had failed, it would have been a worthwhile experience.
Now, think about a goal that you have considered in the past but decided NOT to pursue for fear of failure. Make a commitment to pursue this goal but be more mindful about the journey. Don’t worry about failing. Along the way, reflect about the lessons you learn.
Dr. Acacia Parks is an instructor in positive psychology, a researcher and a member of the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. Dr. Parks has taught a variety of classes on how to use positive psychology interventions, and she often gets questions from students and clients about what will work best for them.
Question: I’m unhappy. My Authentic Happiness Index results show I’m on the lower-end of the range, and I don’t feel cheery or upbeat. What should I focus on with happier.com?
Answer: You’ll likely benefit the most from exercises that focus on positive emotions. From my experience teaching and the research data, we get an idea of what works for what type of person.
The Three Good Things exercise, for example, will help you to focus on the positive aspects of your day, which research tells us often fall through the cracks of memory. It sometimes takes a week or two to see the benefits, but people who use Three Good Things on a regular basis report sustained decreases in depressive symptoms and increases in positive emotion.
Two exercises on HDC reliably produce large and immediate increases in positive emotion: Have a Good Day, which helps you plan a day full of pleasant activities, and the Gratitude Letter, in which you write a letter expressing in detail your gratitude for someone else’s contribution to your life.
We know from research by Barbara Fredrickson and colleagues that positive emotion leads to creativity and flexible thinking – as someone who experiences low levels of positive emotion, these exercises can give you the boost that you need.
The research that we point to on happier.com usually comes from leaders in the field of positive psychology. However, in a few cases the discoveries actually come from distinguished academics outside of the field of positive psychology, who apply some of the common principals of their field to the science of happiness. In this case, we have found some interesting research about happiness coming from the field of behavioral economics. Although these tips are interesting and can be useful, remember that they are only correct in an “economic” sense, and not necessarily right for your own personal situations. However, they are very interesting when looked at from a broader perspective. Enjoy.
With the economy in constant flux, we can all use some pointers on how to stretch good news as far as it will go. Christopher K. Hsee, the Theodore O. Yntema professor of behavioral science and marketing at Chicago Booth, shares his guidelines: “Hsee’s Happiness Heuristics.” Compiling research from psychologists and economists (including colleague Richard Thaler), Hsee provides tips on how to make the people around you—employees, significant others, friends, relatives—happy.
Christopher K. Hsee
1. Separate gains. Combine losses.
It’s been a great day, and you’ve got two pieces of good news for your spouse: you got a promotion, and you won a free trip to Hawaii. Tell your spouse the two pieces of news on separate days, so that one great day turns into two. If the news is bad, however—you’ve crashed your car and lost money in the stock market—tell your spouse both downers at the same time. Hsee’s caveat is that the bad news can only be so bad: “Everybody has a breaking point.”
2. Announce good news early. Announce bad news late.
You have an important client, and, knowing she loves eating out, you invite her to dinner at the fanciest restaurant in Chicago. Do it months in advance, Hsee says. “A lot of happiness comes not just from the thing or the contact per se, but from anticipation.” An early invite prolongs the client’s happiness. If the news is bad, don’t allow much time to dwell on it. Nobody enjoys a trip to the dentist, so don’t tell your child about his visit weeks in advance. Just put him in the car, and the drilling is done before he knows it.
3. Unpredictable gains are better than stable gains. Stable losses are better than unpredictable losses.
You give an employee either a raise or a bonus. Practicality says a raise is better, but a bonus actually makes the employee happier. The logic behind this principle is adaptation, Hsee explains. When you get a raise, “you feel happy, but after a while you get used to it.” An employee doesn’t adapt to a bonus—it’s unexpected and more exciting. Conversely, make losses stable. Let’s say you have a big apartment just blocks from work, but the bad economy forces you to relocate to a place that’s either smaller or farther away. Sacrificing size is better, Hsee says, because it’s easier to adjust to a smaller living space than the “painful” daily commute.
4. Choice is bad for good options, good for bad options.
Choice may seem like a perk, but if the options are all positive, having to make a decision may decrease happiness. If you’re treating your parents to a trip and you know they would enjoy the beaches of Hawaii, then buy the tickets; giving them a choice of vacation spots could lead to second-guessing and stress. If both options are negative, though, choice helps: “Even if you can’t give them a real choice, you can give them an illusion of choice,” says Hsee. At his hypothetical business school, students might not be excited about a mandatory business-ethics course, but he has devised a new strategy: divide the course into two sections and give them two different names, like Business Ethics and Corporate Morality. The syllabus remains the same, but the students are happier because they have a say in the process.
5. Wanted is better than needed. Memorable is better than usable.
Cash may be the most economically practical gift, but it doesn’t create the most happiness. People are happiest with something they want but have no justification to buy. If a friend loves old vinyl records but would never purchase expensive ones for himself, then give him a classic Hendrix album instead of cash. A good gift, Hsee says, is one that the recipient can’t eat up, use up, give away, or throw away, at least for a while. Best to give a personalized, lasting gift.
Interesting Point: Richard Thaler, mentioned above as a source for Hsee, is best know for his widely popular book “Nudge” and for coining the term “choice architecture.” Learn more about this fascinating new area of research in a very funny speech by Richard Thaler for an Authors @ Google event.
When chronic exercisers are asked about the top reason they engage in physical activity, the #1 reason they cite are shifts in mood, namely increases in experienced positive emotion. Unfortunately, exercise isn’t instant gratification, and most people won’t experience the mood-boosting effects of exercise until they have developed a regular routine for several weeks.
Keep an exercise log. Record the date and time of activity, the intensity, and the length of each session of physical activity. Also note if you were alone, or with a friend, and how much you enjoyed the activity. Free tools are available online and even on your iPhone.
Monitor your mood. At the end of each day, log into Happier and use the Positivity Test or Authentic Happiness Index to track changes in your positivity ratio or happiness levels. Record your scores in the exercise log.
Use feedback to revise your strategy. After several weeks, go back and review the log. Are there specific types of activities that boost your mood over others? Does the time of day for exercise seem to have an impact? Take note of these patterns and adjust your routine.
Taking on an approach versus avoidance mindset can do wonders for motivation. Sure, dropping the saddlebags and squeezing into a bikini are great goals for exercise, but instead of focusing on some aspect of yourself that you want to change or lose, why not ask yourself what you might gain in terms of vitality and the physical capacity to pursue a good life?
Create a vision of the future. Start by thinking about what is most important to you and work from there. Are your children the most important to you? Or developing your entrepreneurial endeavors? Write down what you envision as your best possible future.
Think about the tangible rewards. Articulate what you could potentially gain in these areas of your life by becoming more active: More energy to run around and play with your children? Increased ability to handle daily stressors in managing and growing your business?
Finally, set positively worded goals. “I will” vs. “I won’t” or “I hope to gain” vs. “I hope to lose”. Write these down and revisit them frequently.
, 2) give it my best effort. I chose #2 and it is one of my favorite professional achievements, for two reasons.
