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Get More out of Active Constructive Responding

Dr. Acacia Parks-Sheiner — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 18:25:40 +0000

Dr. Acacia Parks is an instructor in positive psychology, a researcher and a member of the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. Dr. Parks has taught a variety of classes on how to use positive psychology interventions, and she often gets questions from students and clients about what will work best for them.

Question: I read about the “Active and Constructive Responding” exercise and I am pretty sure I already respond this way when people come to me with good news. Can this exercise still be useful for me?

Answer: Most people don’t think of themselves as a spoilsport who responds negatively (or not at all) when people come to them with good news. However, we have all had the experience of going to someone with good news and not getting the response we want. It happens. I promise that at one point or another, you have done this. There’s always room for improvement! If you consider yourself a practiced Active-Constructive Responder, here are some tips for taking this exercise to the next level:

1. Be more attentive – that is, be on constant lookout for opportunities to respond Actively and Constructively. Try to spot good news when it is less than obvious – people don’t always come to you bursting with obvious excitement when they have good news to report.

2. See if you can completely eliminate Passive-Constructive responses from your repertoire. Any time you find yourself saying “cool” or “that’s nice” see if you can muster something more enthusiastic. Any good news that’s worth acknowledging is worth acknowledging with gusto!

3. Challenge yourself to turn good news into great news. Instead of just sharing in the other person’s enthusiasm, see if you can increase it by finding even more aspects of the situation to be excited about.

happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.

Congratulations to Steve for Winning The Happiness Facts Contest

happier.com — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 18:17:05 +0000

We asked people to submit their favorite happiness facts and Steve was the winner of a gift certificate to zappos.com.

The Five C's – Benefits of Working in a Creative Space

Michael Durkheimer — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 12:16:05 +0000

Sally Augustin, Ph.D. is a guest blogger for happier.com and a member of the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory.

Positive places enhance our lives – they are spaces where we thrive now and flourish in the future.
Positive places improve our experiences by:
1. Communicating. Human beings are social animals, and in positive places we can mingle with other people, when we choose. In positive spaces we not only communicate verbally with others, but also send personally desirable nonverbal messages about ourselves as people. Members of a culture can “read” the nonverbal communication of culture-mates, and we feel that nonverbal information is more honest than spoken statements. Place-based nonverbal communication is why we get so worked up about furniture selections – a lot of furniture is equally comfortable, but the style of the particular furniture we select from among those equally comfortable options speaks eloquently about who we are as a person. Why do you think we love video tours of celebrities’ homes? We want to know who they really are.

2. Comforting. A place comforts us in many ways – colors and scents can sooth, sounds can calm, and opportunities to control the space can reduce stress, for example – but people often don’t consider how a space can help them restock their psychological batteries. When we work mentally, we tire our brain and reduce the mental energy at our disposal – just as we can wear down the charge in batteries. Our mental batteries are rechargeable, happily. When we look out a window at nature or into a fish tank or at a fire (or watch nature, fish or fire videos), we are transported from our physical location into a different place mentally, a place where interesting things happen that we can understand effortlessly. While we’re in that place, energy flows back into our cognitive centers. A place that helps us restock our mental batteries is comforting.

3. Challenging. One of our fundamental human needs is to grow and develop in ways that interest us. Different people have different self-enhancement plans, so the ways that places can challenge us to change need to vary – a studio to practice the cello is different from a woodworking shop or a hideaway to write a great novel, but all three can help a person achieve their own personal goals.

4. Complying. A positive space supplies us with the tools we need to do whatever activities we’ve planned there – it’s hard to cook a roast in a bathtub. If we’re doing thoughtful work, we need to be able to focus without distractions, which many people designing home and workplace offices forget.

5. Continuing. A positive place has the ability to evolve as our place-based needs change – too many built ins can turn out to be way too much.

Use the 5 C’s for positive places (communicate, comfort, challenge, comply, and continue) when you’re in different spaces – home, school, office, . . . – to determine if you’re a place that will enhance your life – or not. Watch for additional blog posts here to learn how you can turn negative places into positive ones.

The Best Books on Positive Psychology, from happier.com and Amazon

Michael Durkheimer — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:20:17 +0000

In our Amazon store you can buy the books from our experts and other prominent minds in the field of positive psychology! Also, use the store to stay up to date with new releases as experts continue to discover groundbreaking findings in the science of happiness.

Here are 4 great books to start with:

Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment by Martin Seligman

Curious? Discovering the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life by Todd Kashdan

Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth by Ed Diener, Robert Biswas-Diener

Positivity: Groundbreaking Research reveals how to Embrace the Hidden Strength of Positive Emotions, Overcome negativity and Thrive by Barbara Fredrickson

Or try these others:

The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less by Barry Schwartz

The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom by Jonathan Haidt

Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment by Tal Ben-Shahar

A Primer in Positive Psychology by Christopher Peterson

The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want by Sonja Lyubomirsky

Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert

Here is a video of Martin Seligman talking about his favorite Positive Psychology books:

Come visit our Amazon store today!

happierNYC.com meetup on November 12 — Calling All NYC Positive Psychology Enthusiasts

happier.com — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:51:47 +0000

(From L-R) Doug Hensch, co-founder; Martin Seligman, Exclusive Consultant; Andrew Rosenthal, co-founder

Co-founders Andrew and Doug are going to be there talking about how to use the tools on happier.com! Learn how to use Active Constructive Responding to improve your relationships and Three Good Things to bring gratitude into your life and sleep better every night! If you are a happiness enthusiast anywhere near New York City, we would love to see you there! It’s an excellent opportunity to connect with more people who want to learn about the science of happiness.

The event is being hosted by Emiliya Zhivotovskaya, MAPP, a member of the happier.com Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory.

Location:

Ripley Griers

520 8th Ave
16th Floor – Room 16Q
New York, NY 10018
212-799-5433

Date and Time: November 12 @ 7pm

We hope to see you all there!

RSVP today to attend this free event.

Tuesday’s Tip – Challenge yourself

Doug Hensch — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:17:05 +0000

“Doug, I want you to plan an event for our salespeople,” said our VP of Sales. “And, we’re holding it in two weeks, so you should probably get to work. What questions do you have for me?,” he finished.

I had no questions because all I could think about was failing and being humiliated. I had other responsibilities that I could not drop and I had never done something like this before.

There were two choices before me: 1) quit and look for a new job (remember, I’m a pessimist, at heart , 2) give it my best effort. I chose #2 and it is one of my favorite professional achievements, for two reasons.

First, I didn’t give up and I overcame my fear of failure. In The Pursuit of Perfect, Tal Ben-Shahar writes, “Taking on challenges instead of avoiding them has a greater long-term effect on our self-esteem than winning or losing, failing or succeeding.” So, just by trying, I felt better about myself. I realized that I was able to handle big challenges and I felt more confident about whatever the next big challenge would be.

Second, I actually enjoyed the process. Yes, it was stressful, but I engaged all my strengths and experienced moments of “flow” where time stood still and my performance was at its highest levels. More importantly, I realized that even if I had failed, it was the journey that counted. I met new people in my company, learned a great deal about our offerings, and developed new skills. Even if I had failed, it would have been a worthwhile experience.

Now, think about a goal that you have considered in the past but decided NOT to pursue for fear of failure. Make a commitment to pursue this goal but be more mindful about the journey. Don’t worry about failing. Along the way, reflect about the lessons you learn.

I’m Unhappy – What Can I Do to Feel Better Right Now?

Dr. Acacia Parks-Sheiner — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 17:50:58 +0000

Question: I’m unhappy. My Authentic Happiness Index results show I’m on the lower-end of the range, and I don’t feel cheery or upbeat. What should I focus on with happier.com?

Answer: You’ll likely benefit the most from exercises that focus on positive emotions. From my experience teaching and the research data, we get an idea of what works for what type of person.

The Three Good Things exercise, for example, will help you to focus on the positive aspects of your day, which research tells us often fall through the cracks of memory. It sometimes takes a week or two to see the benefits, but people who use Three Good Things on a regular basis report sustained decreases in depressive symptoms and increases in positive emotion.

Two exercises on HDC reliably produce large and immediate increases in positive emotion: Have a Good Day, which helps you plan a day full of pleasant activities, and the Gratitude Letter, in which you write a letter expressing in detail your gratitude for someone else’s contribution to your life.

We know from research by Barbara Fredrickson and colleagues that positive emotion leads to creativity and flexible thinking – as someone who experiences low levels of positive emotion, these exercises can give you the boost that you need.

Five Tips About Happiness from Economists at the University of Chicago

Michael Durkheimer — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 14:04:23 +0000

The research that we point to on happier.com usually comes from leaders in the field of positive psychology. However, in a few cases the discoveries actually come from distinguished academics outside of the field of positive psychology, who apply some of the common principals of their field to the science of happiness. In this case, we have found some interesting research about happiness coming from the field of behavioral economics. Although these tips are interesting and can be useful, remember that they are only correct in an “economic” sense, and not necessarily right for your own personal situations. However, they are very interesting when looked at from a broader perspective. Enjoy.

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Repost from The University of Chicago Magazine

Economics of Happiness

By Jake Grubman, ’11

With the economy in constant flux, we can all use some pointers on how to stretch good news as far as it will go. Christopher K. Hsee, the Theodore O. Yntema professor of behavioral science and marketing at Chicago Booth, shares his guidelines: “Hsee’s Happiness Heuristics.” Compiling research from psychologists and economists (including colleague Richard Thaler), Hsee provides tips on how to make the people around you—employees, significant others, friends, relatives—happy.

Christopher K. Hsee

1. Separate gains. Combine losses.

It’s been a great day, and you’ve got two pieces of good news for your spouse: you got a promotion, and you won a free trip to Hawaii. Tell your spouse the two pieces of news on separate days, so that one great day turns into two. If the news is bad, however—you’ve crashed your car and lost money in the stock market—tell your spouse both downers at the same time. Hsee’s caveat is that the bad news can only be so bad: “Everybody has a breaking point.”

2. Announce good news early. Announce bad news late.

You have an important client, and, knowing she loves eating out, you invite her to dinner at the fanciest restaurant in Chicago. Do it months in advance, Hsee says. “A lot of happiness comes not just from the thing or the contact per se, but from anticipation.” An early invite prolongs the client’s happiness. If the news is bad, don’t allow much time to dwell on it. Nobody enjoys a trip to the dentist, so don’t tell your child about his visit weeks in advance. Just put him in the car, and the drilling is done before he knows it.

3. Unpredictable gains are better than stable gains. Stable losses are better than unpredictable losses.

You give an employee either a raise or a bonus. Practicality says a raise is better, but a bonus actually makes the employee happier. The logic behind this principle is adaptation, Hsee explains. When you get a raise, “you feel happy, but after a while you get used to it.” An employee doesn’t adapt to a bonus—it’s unexpected and more exciting. Conversely, make losses stable. Let’s say you have a big apartment just blocks from work, but the bad economy forces you to relocate to a place that’s either smaller or farther away. Sacrificing size is better, Hsee says, because it’s easier to adjust to a smaller living space than the “painful” daily commute.

4. Choice is bad for good options, good for bad options.

Choice may seem like a perk, but if the options are all positive, having to make a decision may decrease happiness. If you’re treating your parents to a trip and you know they would enjoy the beaches of Hawaii, then buy the tickets; giving them a choice of vacation spots could lead to second-guessing and stress. If both options are negative, though, choice helps: “Even if you can’t give them a real choice, you can give them an illusion of choice,” says Hsee. At his hypothetical business school, students might not be excited about a mandatory business-ethics course, but he has devised a new strategy: divide the course into two sections and give them two different names, like Business Ethics and Corporate Morality. The syllabus remains the same, but the students are happier because they have a say in the process.

5. Wanted is better than needed. Memorable is better than usable.

Cash may be the most economically practical gift, but it doesn’t create the most happiness. People are happiest with something they want but have no justification to buy. If a friend loves old vinyl records but would never purchase expensive ones for himself, then give him a classic Hendrix album instead of cash. A good gift, Hsee says, is one that the recipient can’t eat up, use up, give away, or throw away, at least for a while. Best to give a personalized, lasting gift.

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Interesting Point: Richard Thaler, mentioned above as a source for Hsee, is best know for his widely popular book “Nudge” and for coining the term “choice architecture.” Learn more about this fascinating new area of research in a very funny speech by Richard Thaler for an Authors @ Google event.

Happy Mind, Happy Body – Exercise is Therapy: Self-Monitor

happier.com — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 17:14:35 +0000

By guest contributor Gloria Park Perin

When chronic exercisers are asked about the top reason they engage in physical activity, the #1 reason they cite are shifts in mood, namely increases in experienced positive emotion. Unfortunately, exercise isn’t instant gratification, and most people won’t experience the mood-boosting effects of exercise until they have developed a regular routine for several weeks.

Keep an exercise log. Record the date and time of activity, the intensity, and the length of each session of physical activity. Also note if you were alone, or with a friend, and how much you enjoyed the activity. Free tools are available online and even on your iPhone.

Monitor your mood. At the end of each day, log into Happier and use the Positivity Test or Authentic Happiness Index to track changes in your positivity ratio or happiness levels. Record your scores in the exercise log.

Use feedback to revise your strategy. After several weeks, go back and review the log. Are there specific types of activities that boost your mood over others? Does the time of day for exercise seem to have an impact? Take note of these patterns and adjust your routine.

Happy Mind, Happy Body – Exercise is Therapy: Set Positive Goals

happier.com — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 12:14:05 +0000

By guest contributor Gloria Park Perin

Taking on an approach versus avoidance mindset can do wonders for motivation. Sure, dropping the saddlebags and squeezing into a bikini are great goals for exercise, but instead of focusing on some aspect of yourself that you want to change or lose, why not ask yourself what you might gain in terms of vitality and the physical capacity to pursue a good life?

Create a vision of the future. Start by thinking about what is most important to you and work from there. Are your children the most important to you? Or developing your entrepreneurial endeavors? Write down what you envision as your best possible future.

Think about the tangible rewards. Articulate what you could potentially gain in these areas of your life by becoming more active: More energy to run around and play with your children? Increased ability to handle daily stressors in managing and growing your business?

Finally, set positively worded goals. “I will” vs. “I won’t” or “I hope to gain” vs. “I hope to lose”. Write these down and revisit them frequently.