Dr. Acacia Parks-Sheiner is an instructor in positive psychology, a researcher and a member of the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. Dr. Parks has taught a variety of classes on how to use positive psychology interventions, and she often gets questions from students and clients about what will work best for them.
The happiness-health relationship isn’t magic – although some parts of it may be biological, a big part of why happy people are healthier stems from behaviors that come more easily to happy people. A study by Bob Emmons and colleagues found that people who experience gratitude on a regular basis are more likely to spontaneously exercise, and they also get better sleep. These short-term health behaviors lead to long-term benefits like longer life span. So if getting happier doesn’t seem worth the effort by itself, think abut the health benefits!
Dr. Acacia Parks is an instructor in positive psychology, a researcher and a member of the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. Dr. Parks has taught a variety of classes on how to use positive psychology interventions, and she often gets questions from students and clients about what will work best for them.
Question: I read about the “Active and Constructive Responding” exercise and I am pretty sure I already respond this way when people come to me with good news. Can this exercise still be useful for me?
Answer: Most people don’t think of themselves as a spoilsport who responds negatively (or not at all) when people come to them with good news. However, we have all had the experience of going to someone with good news and not getting the response we want. It happens. I promise that at one point or another, you have done this. There’s always room for improvement! If you consider yourself a practiced Active-Constructive Responder, here are some tips for taking this exercise to the next level:
1. Be more attentive – that is, be on constant lookout for opportunities to respond Actively and Constructively. Try to spot good news when it is less than obvious – people don’t always come to you bursting with obvious excitement when they have good news to report.
2. See if you can completely eliminate Passive-Constructive responses from your repertoire. Any time you find yourself saying “cool” or “that’s nice” see if you can muster something more enthusiastic. Any good news that’s worth acknowledging is worth acknowledging with gusto!
3. Challenge yourself to turn good news into great news. Instead of just sharing in the other person’s enthusiasm, see if you can increase it by finding even more aspects of the situation to be excited about.
Dr. Acacia Parks is an instructor in positive psychology, a researcher and a member of the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. Dr. Parks has taught a variety of classes on how to use positive psychology interventions, and she often gets questions from students and clients about what will work best for them.
Question: I’m unhappy. My Authentic Happiness Index results show I’m on the lower-end of the range, and I don’t feel cheery or upbeat. What should I focus on with happier.com?
Answer: You’ll likely benefit the most from exercises that focus on positive emotions. From my experience teaching and the research data, we get an idea of what works for what type of person.
The Three Good Things exercise, for example, will help you to focus on the positive aspects of your day, which research tells us often fall through the cracks of memory. It sometimes takes a week or two to see the benefits, but people who use Three Good Things on a regular basis report sustained decreases in depressive symptoms and increases in positive emotion.
Two exercises on HDC reliably produce large and immediate increases in positive emotion: Have a Good Day, which helps you plan a day full of pleasant activities, and the Gratitude Letter, in which you write a letter expressing in detail your gratitude for someone else’s contribution to your life.
We know from research by Barbara Fredrickson and colleagues that positive emotion leads to creativity and flexible thinking – as someone who experiences low levels of positive emotion, these exercises can give you the boost that you need.
Answer: Every time I teach Active and Constructive Responding to a group, at least one person expresses the concern that their efforts using this exercise will be perceived by others as fake or uncharacteristic of them. People particularly get hung up on what it means to “display genuine interest,” and whether that requires them to act “perky” or “upbeat” when that may not be their natural demeanor. Here are the three things I say in response:
1. You’d be surprised how responsive people are to behaviors that are pleasant, even if they are atypical of the person doing them. Just because you’ve never done something before doesn’t mean that other people won’t be happy to see you do it.
2. It is normal to feel a bit uncomfortable when trying out something new – give it a try anyway. What’s the worst that could happen?
3. You don’t have to become a different person, or adopt a different demeanor, to display interest. Just ask a lot of questions! The more you prolong a conversation, the more obvious it is that you are interested in the topic. This “counts” as being Active and Constructive just as much as squealing and jumping up and down does.
And here’s what Todd Kashdan has to say about putting these skills to place in the work environment:
Dr. Acacia Parks-Sheiner is an instructor in positive psychology, a researcher and a member of the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. Dr. Parks-Sheiner has taught a variety of classes on how to use positive psychology interventions, and she often gets questions from students and clients about what will work best for them.
Question: What if I’m just not a “bubbly” person? Can I still be happy?
Happiness isn’t just about being bubbly – according to Seligman, there are three distinct routes to happiness, and the research tells us that any of these three paths can get you there. They are:
- Positive emotion
- Flow
- Meaning
Take your pick! You can follow any one of these paths, or all three, and end up happier than you were before. You don’t need to be bubbly, or even in a good mood – some people just aren’t built for the positive emotion route! If you think this might be you, try focusing on getting lost in your work or hobbies, or feeling like you are doing something meaningful. You’ll get more bang for your buck.
Dr. Acacia Parks-Sheiner is an instructor in positive psychology, a researcher and a member of the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. Dr. Parks-Sheiner has taught a variety of classes on how to use positive psychology interventions, and she often gets questions from students and clients about what will work best for them.
