Several years ago, I developed a workshop to help people discover their strengths and use them, effectively. The participants enjoyed the process of discovering their top strengths and talking with their fellow participants about how they may have used them in the past. They were usually surprised and excited by some of the strengths, as well.
But, there was almost universal difficulty in determining how they might use these strengths in new ways or apply them to their current roles. We have been trained to fix weaknesses. It’s easy for our manager to have us take a class on time management if we’re a little disorganized or read a book on empathy if we’re not reading the emotional signals of our colleagues, friends, or family.
happier.com has partnered with Dr. Tayyab Rashid to bring specific recommendations to our subscribers who complete the Use Your Strengths exercise. Our latest version of this powerful exercise gives you over 200 recommended activities from Dr. Rashid. In addition, happier.com sends you a short survey after you have been using your strength in a new way for at least one week to gauge the effectiveness of the activity. Over time, you build a prioritized library of activities to help you continue to build on your strengths.
So, what are you waiting for? Take the VIA Survey and get working on those strengths!
happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.
You’ve probably heard of Gretchen Rubin. More than 60,000 people subscribe to her blog The Happiness Project and email newsletter, and the blog is carried on outlets including Slate, the Huffington Post and RealSimple.com. December, 2009 will bring the publication of her book, The Happiness Project, available for pre-order at a discount through the happier.com store.
In Gretchen’s words:
My happiness project has convinced me that it’s possible to be happier by taking small, concrete steps in your daily life. In my book and on this daily blog, I write about what I’ve learned as I’ve test-driven the wisdom of the ages, the current scientific studies, and the lessons from popular culture. Plutarch, Samuel Johnson, Benjamin Franklin, St. Thérèse, the Dalai Lama, Oprah, Martin Seligman…I cover it all.
Doug, a member of the team at happier.com, recently asked Gretchen about her journey so far:
What initially made you interested in writing about happiness?
I was riding on a city bus on a rainy day, and I had a rare moment of reflection. “What do I want from life, anyway?” I thought. “I want to be happy.” But I realized I didn’t spend any time thinking about what it meant to be happy, or whether I was happy, or how I could be happier. At that moment I thought, “I should have a happiness project – and think about happiness, and make changes in my life, in a systematic way!” (I’m a former lawyer so that’s my way of approaching things.) I started my happiness project the next day. I didn’t immediately think about writing a book about it; that came later.
What would you say is the single easiest way for people to be happier at Work? Home? Social life?
Philosophers and scientists agree: probably THE key to happiness is having strong relationships with other people. Make time for the people in your life. Make some fun plans. Join or start a group. Help someone else. Call someone. Remember birthdays. Celebrate holidays. Get to know someone new. The more strong relationships you have, the more likely you are to describe yourself as very happy.
What is the most surprising thing that you have learned about happiness over your year with the happiness project?
I was surprised to discover the truth of the theory that “novelty and challenge bring happiness.” I thought that in my case, familiarity and mastery would bring more happiness. But to test that theory, I started a blog – a challenge that made me feel intimidated and insecure. And my blog has turned into a GIGANTIC source of happiness for me. So now I look for other ways to bring novelty and challenge into my life. It’s a taxing way to get happiness, but it’s worth it, because it yields such great bang for the buck.
Who are the happiest people that you have encountered?
What qualities did they have? Do you have any stories about people that immediately come to mind? That’s a great question. It’s really worth studying the people who seem very happy, because they have qualities that we can all emulate. They seem very kind. Kindness is a much-overlooked virtue, to my mind. They seem light-hearted – even if they aren’t playful (which they sometimes are, but not always), they can laugh at themselves and at tough situations. They are loving: they really listen, they go out of their way to help even when it’s not convenient, they think about other people’s needs.
But happy people come in different flavors. Some are goofy, some are serene, some are intense. It’s interesting, though, how attractive they are. When you’re around a really happy person, you want to be around that person MORE.
What often disguises itself as happiness, or a road to happiness, but is actually not?
I think people often give themselves a “treat” when they want a happiness boost – but all too often, the things we do to treat ourselves don’t make us happy in the long run. Having an extra glass of wine, eating ice cream out of the carton, having a cigarette, splurging on a new pair of shoes, leaving a big mess…these are things that feel like a treat but in the end, often make us feel worse. If you feel the urge to give yourself a treat, ask yourself, “Will this really make me happy, in the long run?” Try to find ways to treat yourself that don’t leave a bad taste in your mouth.
If you are feeling down, what can you do to give yourself a boost?
One of the quickest ways to give yourself a boost is to do something nice for someone else. Here’s a suggestion: become an organ donor! Sign the online registry and/or tell your family you want to be a donor. With that single quick act, you may save the life of five people one day! It’s huge! If you’re already an organ donor, try taking a ten-minute walk outside. It will boost your energy, heighten your alertness, and break up your day. Even better, take a friend with you.
Do you have a favorite happiness quote or metaphor?
Ah, I have so manyI I love quotations and have so many wonderful quotations. Here’s one: “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.
A typical exchange between my dad and I when I was growing up.
Me: “Dad, wanna play catch?”
Dad: “Sure.”
Then, my dad would get up out of “his” chair and roll me ground balls, pretend to be a catcher receiving my pitches from a make believe mound, or he would be a wide receiver on a made up football field moving his hands to different positions so that I could practice throwing the football to different targets. I don’t really remember if we talked much but I learned how to be present for my own kids.
I’m singling out my dad but both of my parents were ALWAYS there for us. Almost every night, we sat down for a family dinner. My mom would drop what she was doing to help with homework. My dad would watch the Yankees with me every night during the summer but he didn’t push back when I swore my allegiance to the Red Sox. I never felt unloved or that I couldn’t go to them with some big problem. When questionable circumstances presented themselves and I had a choice to go with the crowd or do the right thing, I almost always thought about how my parents would react if they found out. In the end, I chose wisely for most of my formative years.
Keep in mind that my parents were busy coaching sports, carting me and my sisters to various activities, and working long hours. But, they stopped what they were doing to talk to us, help us, or just be with us.
Flash forward 30 years and now we have wireless networks in our houses, Twitter, Facebook, Blackberries, iPhones, and way too many activities for our kids. We’re busier than ever but are we spending enough quality time with those we love? Is it quality time when we’re rushing from place to place with our kids and spouses? Are you truly present with someone else when you answer a question but your face is buried in your Blackberry?
The following are a couple of tips to improve and deepen the relationships you already have with those you care about the most:
- Drop what you’re doing and give your full attention to those around you.
- Avoid the temptation to answer your phone or read an email when talking with someone else.
- When someone brings you good news, learn how to respond actively and constructively. Give them your full attention. Ask follow up questions and show genuine interest.
Shelly Gable’s research shows that how we discuss good events is is more predictive of strong relations than how you fight. It is also the basis for our Active & Constructive Responding exercise that teaches you how to respond to the good events of others and track your progress.
So, the next time your child says, “Wanna play catch?” or your significant other brings some good news to you, put down the iPod and be present.
happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.
happier.com has come a long way in a short time. We now have nine exercises, four tests, over 100 videos, an informative blog, and five happiness plans that recommend specific activities based on a goal that you select. So, where do you start? How can you get the most out of your subscription?
Here are three tips to help you navigate your way through happier.com and use the tips, tools, and advice effectively:
- Attend a free webinar: Each week, hundreds of people sign up to hear more about happier.com. The event is live and facilitated by members of the happier.com team. There is no cost and no plug-in required. We walk you through the site and answer all your questions.
- Pick a goal: Once you have a subscription, happier.com can recommend specific exercises and tests based on your personal goals. You can change your goal at any time and always have access to all the tools and content on happier.com with your subscription.
- Make it a habit: The good news is that many of the exercises produce immediate benefits. People report feeling better right after finishing the exercises and for some time after that. But, to create lasting, positive change, regular use of the activities is highly recommended. Just set aside 5-10 minutes a day for happier.com and you’ll see results!
Hope to see you on the next webinar!
Doug
happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.
We like to ask questions. And, we found out that our community of users likes to answer them! We’re not talking about happiness or optimism tests. We’ve asked you some questions about how happiness and resilience work in the real world and here is what you said…
Question: Do you think you can increase your happiness?
- Yes – 86%
- No – 6%
- Not sure – 8%
Question: Watching the news on TV makes me…
- happier – 3%
- less happy – 32%
- no effect – 19%
- depressed – 46%
Question: I am happier when I am…
- by myself – 39%
- with other people – 61%
Question: Which of the following would make you happier?
- winning the lottery – 47%
- having children – 11%
- getting married – 24%
- your favorite team wins the championship – 2%
- living in your dream house – 16%
Question: Which of the following provides you with the most meaning and purpose in your life?
- work – 18%
- doing charity – 8%
- kids – 27%
- religion – 16%
- other – 31%
A few notes: These data were collected through polls placed on the front page of happier.com. They are not a scientific representative sample. But we think they’re fun.
Let us know if there is a question you would like us to ask. Just leave a comment below.
happier.com is a personal trainer for your happiness. With more than a dozen tools and tests to help you measure, track and improve your happiness, you can trust the happier.com experts to help you reach your goals. Exclusive videos and a popular blog mean there’s something new to learn every day. Download the free iPhone application or find what you’re looking for with the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. happier.com is on Facebook, LinkedIn, and twitter and has meetup groups in Washington, Philadelphia, and Portland, with more planned. Click here for a social media press release from our launch.
