It was a hot summer day, and I was just a little grumpy after a long day at work as I tried to get my two sons to come in for dinner. As I walked out of the garage, I saw baseball bats, basketballs, footballs, bicycles, and a skateboard, or two, littering the yard that I knew was going to make the day just a little more difficult. I called both boys to come help me clean up.

They were across the street in the yard of a neighbor, so I stopped what I was doing to watch them cross the street. Our four year-old looked both ways (much to my surprise) and then darted across to our yard. Just then, I heard a truck’s engine and yelled for our five year-old to stop. It was the FedEx guy making his last deliveries of the day. I continued to watch my son, now just a little more irritated by the delay caused by the truck. With a big smile on his face, he waved to the driver as the truck passed.

The innocence of that wave really touched me. But, it also made me think about Chris Peterson’s assertion in A Primer in Positive Psychology that “other people matter” when it comes to happiness. The research in positive psychology continues to reveal the fact that good relationships are a necessary condition for the highest levels of happiness.

In Happiness – Lessons from a New Science, economist Richard Layard writes that fewer and fewer Americans are joining community organizations such as church groups and charitable associations. As a society, we are more individualistic than ever. We watch TV, surf the internet, and send lots of text messages. We spend less and less time engaging friends, family members, and neighbors in real dialogue. And, this disconnectedness, in part, is driving up the rate of depression even though our standards of living are so high.

Now, as an introvert, connecting with others is not the easiest thing for me. Most nights, I look forward to a good book, a funny sitcom, or something that does not involve talking, too much. But, several years ago after lobbying my wife not to have friends over for dinner, I realized that I almost always had a good time. More importantly, I enjoyed the sense of connection to others. I know that my own happiness depends deeply on connecting with people and building positive relationships.

And, while the subject of building relationships is one for a much longer post, I think we can all take some small steps to connect to others.

• Pick one day a week and shut off the TV and internet. Use the time to talk with your friends or family about their day or your plans for the future.
• Join a community group. Don’t feel that you have to spend every minute of free time doing this. Start small and let it build, naturally.
• Say, “Hi” to your neighbors.
• Pick up the phone and call people back. Emails and text messages are not as engaging as a personal conversation.

So, while Americans have lots of ‘toys’ to keep us occupied and glorify the success of the individual, we also need to remember that other people matter.

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