A typical exchange between my dad and I when I was growing up.

Me: “Dad, wanna play catch?”

Dad: “Sure.”

Then, my dad would get up out of “his” chair and roll me ground balls, pretend to be a catcher receiving my pitches from a make believe mound, or he would be a wide receiver on a made up football field moving his hands to different positions so that I could practice throwing the football to different targets. I don’t really remember if we talked much but I learned how to be present for my own kids.

I’m singling out my dad but both of my parents were ALWAYS there for us. Almost every night, we sat down for a family dinner. My mom would drop what she was doing to help with homework. My dad would watch the Yankees with me every night during the summer but he didn’t push back when I swore my allegiance to the Red Sox. I never felt unloved or that I couldn’t go to them with some big problem. When questionable circumstances presented themselves and I had a choice to go with the crowd or do the right thing, I almost always thought about how my parents would react if they found out. In the end, I chose wisely for most of my formative years.

Keep in mind that my parents were busy coaching sports, carting me and my sisters to various activities, and working long hours. But, they stopped what they were doing to talk to us, help us, or just be with us.

Flash forward 30 years and now we have wireless networks in our houses, Twitter, Facebook, Blackberries, iPhones, and way too many activities for our kids. We’re busier than ever but are we spending enough quality time with those we love? Is it quality time when we’re rushing from place to place with our kids and spouses? Are you truly present with someone else when you answer a question but your face is buried in your Blackberry?

The following are a couple of tips to improve and deepen the relationships you already have with those you care about the most:

• Drop what you’re doing and give your full attention to those around you.
• Avoid the temptation to answer your phone or read an email when talking with someone else.
• When someone brings you good news, learn how to respond actively and constructively. Give them your full attention. Ask follow up questions and show genuine interest.

Shelly Gable’s research shows that how we discuss good events is is more predictive of strong relations than how you fight. It is also the basis for our Active & Constructive Responding exercise that teaches you how to respond to the good events of others and track your progress.

So, the next time your child says, “Wanna play catch?” or your significant other brings some good news to you, put down the iPod and be present.

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