Dr. Acacia Parks-Sheiner answers a common question from users:

Question: The exercise Active and Constructive Responding isn't "me." How do I practice this technique without being "fake"?

Answer: Every time I teach Active and Constructive Responding to a group, at least one person expresses the concern that their efforts using this exercise will be perceived by others as fake or uncharacteristic of them. People particularly get hung up on what it means to “display genuine interest,” and whether that requires them to act “perky” or “upbeat” when that may not be their natural demeanor. Here are the three things I say in response:

1. You’d be surprised how responsive people are to behaviors that are pleasant, even if they are atypical of the person doing them. Just because you’ve never done something before doesn’t mean that other people won’t be happy to see you do it.

2. It is normal to feel a bit uncomfortable when trying out something new – give it a try anyway. What’s the worst that could happen?

3. You don’t have to become a different person, or adopt a different demeanor, to display interest. Just ask a lot of questions! The more you prolong a conversation, the more obvious it is that you are interested in the topic. This “counts” as being Active and Constructive just as much as squealing and jumping up and down does.

And here’s what Todd Kashdan has to say about putting these skills to place in the work environment:

Dr. Acacia Parks-Sheiner is an instructor in positive psychology, a researcher and a member of the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. Dr. Parks-Sheiner has taught a variety of classes on how to use positive psychology interventions, and she often gets questions from students and clients about what will work best for them.

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