Dr. Acacia Parks is an instructor in positive psychology, a researcher and a member of the Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory. Dr. Parks has taught a variety of classes on how to use positive psychology interventions, and she often gets questions from students and clients about what will work best for them.
Question: I read about the “Active and Constructive Responding” exercise and I am pretty sure I already respond this way when people come to me with good news. Can this exercise still be useful for me?
Answer: Most people don’t think of themselves as a spoilsport who responds negatively (or not at all) when people come to them with good news. However, we have all had the experience of going to someone with good news and not getting the response we want. It happens. I promise that at one point or another, you have done this. There’s always room for improvement! If you consider yourself a practiced Active-Constructive Responder, here are some tips for taking this exercise to the next level:
1. Be more attentive – that is, be on constant lookout for opportunities to respond Actively and Constructively. Try to spot good news when it is less than obvious – people don’t always come to you bursting with obvious excitement when they have good news to report.
2. See if you can completely eliminate Passive-Constructive responses from your repertoire. Any time you find yourself saying “cool” or “that’s nice” see if you can muster something more enthusiastic. Any good news that’s worth acknowledging is worth acknowledging with gusto!
3. Challenge yourself to turn good news into great news. Instead of just sharing in the other person’s enthusiasm, see if you can increase it by finding even more aspects of the situation to be excited about.
Positive places enhance our lives – they are spaces where we thrive now and flourish in the future. Positive places improve our experiences by: 1. Communicating. Human beings are social animals, and in positive places we can mingle with other people, when we choose. In positive spaces we not only communicate verbally with others, but also send personally desirable nonverbal messages about ourselves as people. Members of a culture can “read” the nonverbal communication of culture-mates, and we feel that nonverbal information is more honest than spoken statements. Place-based nonverbal communication is why we get so worked up about furniture selections – a lot of furniture is equally comfortable, but the style of the particular furniture we select from among those equally comfortable options speaks eloquently about who we are as a person. Why do you think we love video tours of celebrities’ homes? We want to know who they really are.
2. Comforting. A place comforts us in many ways – colors and scents can sooth, sounds can calm, and opportunities to control the space can reduce stress, for example – but people often don’t consider how a space can help them restock their psychological batteries. When we work mentally, we tire our brain and reduce the mental energy at our disposal – just as we can wear down the charge in batteries. Our mental batteries are rechargeable, happily. When we look out a window at nature or into a fish tank or at a fire (or watch nature, fish or fire videos), we are transported from our physical location into a different place mentally, a place where interesting things happen that we can understand effortlessly. While we’re in that place, energy flows back into our cognitive centers. A place that helps us restock our mental batteries is comforting.
3. Challenging. One of our fundamental human needs is to grow and develop in ways that interest us. Different people have different self-enhancement plans, so the ways that places can challenge us to change need to vary – a studio to practice the cello is different from a woodworking shop or a hideaway to write a great novel, but all three can help a person achieve their own personal goals.
4. Complying. A positive space supplies us with the tools we need to do whatever activities we’ve planned there – it’s hard to cook a roast in a bathtub. If we’re doing thoughtful work, we need to be able to focus without distractions, which many people designing home and workplace offices forget.
5. Continuing. A positive place has the ability to evolve as our place-based needs change – too many built ins can turn out to be way too much.
Use the 5 C’s for positive places (communicate, comfort, challenge, comply, and continue) when you’re in different spaces – home, school, office, . . . – to determine if you’re a place that will enhance your life – or not. Watch for additional blog posts here to learn how you can turn negative places into positive ones.
In our Amazon store you can buy the books from our experts and other prominent minds in the field of positive psychology! Also, use the store to stay up to date with new releases as experts continue to discover groundbreaking findings in the science of happiness.
(From L-R) Doug Hensch, co-founder; Martin Seligman, Exclusive Consultant; Andrew Rosenthal, co-founder
Co-founders Andrew and Doug are going to be there talking about how to use the tools on happier.com! Learn how to use Active Constructive Responding to improve your relationships and Three Good Things to bring gratitude into your life and sleep better every night! If you are a happiness enthusiast anywhere near New York City, we would love to see you there! It’s an excellent opportunity to connect with more people who want to learn about the science of happiness.
The event is being hosted by Emiliya Zhivotovskaya, MAPP, a member of the happier.com Positive Psychology Practitioner Directory.
